Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Man I Want to Be

I have an image in my mind of the person that I want to be. I am so far from being that person-a great husband, a great father, a great friend. I want to be non-judgemental, caring and kind. I want people to see the face of Jesus when they look at me. I want to be like a guy I know-who for the longest time I thought he was a fake--a phoney. I thought, "no one can be that genuinely nice." But, over the last several weeks I've realized--he IS that genuingly nice. Being that person is just proving to be much more difficult than I ever imagined.

I like to think that I at least put on a good facade. I like to think that at least people see me like that. Alas, my family and friends know me for who am I am. They know me for my weaknesses and failings. Fortunately, they love me no matter what and help me to better myself. They are helping me to be the man I want to be. Hopefully, I help them be the person they strive to be.

I'm not trying to throw on some sorts of "pity party" or anything like like that. I'm just well aware of my feelings and know what my failings as well as my successes are. Instead, I would like to talk about how lucky I am. You see, no matter how many times I stumble and fall, I have hope. No matter how much of a wreck of a man I am, I can see success. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that I can always pick myself up and climb out of the rubble because I have Jesus helping me. I know that with the grace of God anything is possible.

I know that I have a long road ahead of me. I know I will get back on it only to trip and fall and go off the path several times. Fortunately, God is full of mercy and wants me to get to him.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?


  1. Yes! Yes! Yes! Every day. They way I see it, if we don't feel like this, we really are failures. But feeling like at least our GOAL is to live a live without judgement, full of peace, hope, love, and positivity is a very good start.

    I think about this every day. I really hope I can someday really be the kind of person (in my case woman, mother, wife) that I want to be. But for now all of my human weaknesses, insecurities, pains, and faults get in the way. But I am working on it!

  2. Right here, you hit the nail on the head: I'm just well aware of my feelings and know what my failings as well as my successes are.

    That is essentially the definition of humility. Being able to assess accurately both the good and the bad about oneself. Of course, the next step is to act on it and it is that toward which you strive. Not a bad spot to be in. :-)

  3. Yes, a thousand times yes. It is sometimes so hard not to focus only on our failings, but that is Satan tempting us to doubt. I fully believe that we only fail if we do not learn. Your awareness of your journey and your outlook of Hope and love of Jesus are what matter most. I fully believe St. Peter will not ask us to list our mistakes, but rather to reflect on what we've learned.

    Thank-you for the good cry and reminder that we are all more alike than we realize.