Fast forward one hour, and I'm at another meeting and I see someone attending the meeting who I haven't talked to this person in about nine months--ever since I had a blow up with her and a few other people. This wasn't just some argument but has been something that has had a huge affect on me spiritually The effects it had on me are things I've taken to the confessional because of all of the anger and resentment I've held towards these people. I've know for the longest time that I've needed to forgive these people and I've tried.
And tonight, here was one of the people---the one that I had been closest to. And what did I do?? I sat on the other side of the room and pretended I did not see her. When the meeting was over the thought crossed my mind that I needed to go up to her, say "hi," and be pleasant to her. Unfortunately, I looked at the clock at the same time and realized that I needed to be at another meeting in ten minutes.
I did send her a kind text to which she replied, "you know this is ____, right?" We didn't talk much but hopefully we are on our way to mending fences. I don't know that we will ever be friends like we used to be but I can't keep the resentment up because of that earlier thought, "Lord, when people look at me, I want them to see YOU." A good friend planted that thought in my head several years ago. That same friend turned me onto the song by for KING & COUNTRY just a week ago titled "The Proof of Your Love."
In the song they say, "If I sing but don't have love I waste my breath with every song" and "If I give to a needy soul but don't have love then who is poor---it seems all the poverty is found in me." But it hits home in the chorus:
"Let my life be the proof, the proof your loveIf I want to be the window through which people see Jesus then how can I hold in anger? I can't. God is love. I cannot imitate God if I do not show love in everything that I do. I know this and I think it is one of my bigger aids in my spiritual life---not to just do thing things that God wants be to do but to do them all with love, either love of my fellow man or for love of God.
Let my love look like you and what your made of
How you lived
How you died
Love is a sacrifice
So let my life be the proof, the proof of your love"