tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2065244697106138482024-02-06T23:20:45.704-06:00Roman Catholic CopThoughts and perusings of a Catholic Cop on his spiritual journey.Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00240082655213917664noreply@blogger.comBlogger414125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-90959721466018925712018-11-27T03:11:00.000-06:002018-11-27T03:11:20.089-06:00CrossFit Makes Us BetterIf I were to tell you CrossFit makes you better, I would understand if you assumed I was talking about improvements in the gym. Most people see CrossFit as a workout routine. CrossFit will make you better in the gym but it goes way beyond that. CrossFit can change your life and make all aspects of your life better. <br />
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It is incredible that what you may only see as a workout routine can change and improve every aspect of your life. It does this by not only changing you physically but by changing your very mindset. Every day you go into the gym and you look up and the whiteboard, see what the workout of the day is and many days your heart drops as you think to yourself, "there is no way in Hell I can do that." You think to yourself the workout is too long, it's going to be too intense, with movements that hurt or that you can't even do. You do the warm-up, get instructions from your coach and get all of the necessary equipment set up and are just dreading what is coming up--sensing your impending doom.<br />
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Then 3...2...1...Go! The workout begins. It's as bad as you imagined--often worse. Then you reach the wall. Your lower back is screaming at you. Your lungs are about to explode. Suddenly, you break through that imaginary wall and you keep motoring on. People finish before you and encourage you to keep pushing. Finally, you are finished and as you crash to the ground gasping for air people come up to give you fist-bumps and accolades. <br />
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Something happens as you lay there recovering. You are transformed. Physically, yes. But even more so, emotionally, mentally and even to some part, spiritually. You realize you accomplished something. Yeah, it was only a workout but it was an accomplishment that part of your brain did not think it could do twenty minutes earlier.<br />
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This happens every day you go to the gym. Day after day. Accomplishment after accomplishment. The workouts don't get easier but you realize you are doing them faster. You're lifting more weight. You are doing things you could not have done before, such as pull ups or rope climbs. <br />
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Your sense of self-worth improves every day by crushing these workouts and you start looking for ways to improve outside of the gym. Many time these improvements are things you could not have imagined doing before either due to lack of confidence or because you were just in a rut. <br />
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Gregg Glassman, the founder of CrossFit, has said that CrossFit will either make your relationship better or be its demise. You will either work on it to make the relationship better or you will realize you can do better. CrossFit has improved my relationships by giving me the confidence and the realization that I needed to do improve at it and by pulling me out of the rut. And now my marriage is as good as it's ever been in it's twenty-five years, if not at it's best. <br />
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One of the ways that got me into the gym every day and past the fear and trepidation that I faced in the workouts was simply by scheduling in my Google Calendar the days and times every week to go to the gym. This took away the excuses of being too busy I would make I would make in order not to go. In order to improve my nutrition, I put "Grocery Shopping" and "Meal Prep" on the calendar. One day, as I was making adjustments to the calendar, that realization of me being the best possible version of myself needed to flow over into other aspects in my life. I realized that if scheduling my workouts took away my excuse of being too busy worked then I should put down a "Date Night" with my wife, Abby, once a week.<br />
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That was a short four months ago and the returns of dedicating a couple of hours to Abby once a week have been incredible. We are talking, sharing and tending to each other as never before. We are like newlyweds but with the knowledge and wisdom that comes with twenty-five years of marriage. We are spending so much time with each other it is making our kids jealous. "Another date night?!?" is something we always hear. Abby points out they will be out of the house soon and we will just be left with each other. <br />
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This sense of self-betterment has gone past just my relationship with my wife. We now have a family movie night every Tuesday night where a different member of the family gets to pick what we are having for dinner and what movie we are going to watch. So instead of going to our own corners of the house, we have eat together around the dining room table, talk and then watch a movie together. <br />
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It doesn't stop there. I have time set aside for prayer, Bible reading and confession in order to better my relationship with God. I make it a purpose to call my mom at least once a week. I even pick-up and clean up around the house much more than before.<br />
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CrossFit will not only teach you how to lift and how to squat in order to make you healthier and fitter. It will give you the confidence you need to better all aspects of your life. Yes, the physical aspects are wonder. It's great to lose weight, improve your health, your nutrition and your mobility. It's even greater when that passion to do better transfers over and you gain the joy of improving your relationships. It is because of CrossFit and Abby and I are better. <br />
Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-49976436493645861722018-11-08T12:06:00.000-06:002018-11-08T12:06:00.265-06:00Markers and GoalsQuite often when people are on a health and wellness journey like I am, they are told to set goals. If their coach is good, they will tell them to set quantifiable goals. For instance, instead of saying, "I want to do handstand push-ups" they will help you set your goal to "I want to do 5 non-kipping handstand push-ups" or instead of "I want to improve my deadlift" you should make your goal be "I want to set a new deadlift personal record of lifting 350 pounds." So while my overall goal is to get healthy as I improve my fitness and enjoy every moment of it, I can still break my goals down to those smaller quantifiable goals but they are also in bigger, more overall goals.<br />
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One of CrossFit's fitness models is called the "Sickness-Wellness-Fitness Continuum." The basic philosophy according to the journal article "What is Fitness" is "nearly every measurable value of health can be placed on a continuum that ranges from sickness to wellness to fitness." So, a measure of sickness can be seen in high blood pressure, high body fat, high cholesterol or a high A1C. And the better those numbers are they healthier you are and the healthier you are the more fit you are going to be. <br />
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Currently, I am sick. I have Type II diabetes, my HDL levels are too low and I am over weight. So, health-wise, some of my goals are:<br />
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<ul>
<li>to get my A1C under 5.7 without being on medication. </li>
<li>to get my HDL over 40 without medication </li>
<li>to get my body fat under 20% </li>
<li>to lose at least 45 pounds</li>
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Some of those goals have changed over the last 3 months. I had to get off of the diabetes medication first. My body fat and weight loss goals were much smaller, and more attainable. For instance, instead of having the loft goal of losing 45 lbs, I sought to lose five pounds and get to 220, then 215, 210 and now I've hit a mile marker of getting under 200 pounds!<br />
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After getting "well" my next overall goal is to get "fit." It has been by getting more fit, that I have become healthier after all. As my health markers have gotten better my ability in the gym has also gotten better. My run times have gotten faster. My lifts have gotten heavier. I am able to do more burpees. I feel better at the end of workouts. So, just as I have health goals, I have fitness goals. And just like my health goals, they are lofty, but broken down into more attainable goals.</div>
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<ul>
<li>Twenty-unbroken pull-ups, but first, get A pull up</li>
<li>Twenty-Unbroken double-unders, but first, get A double under</li>
<li>Participate in a competition--but first, feel comfortable participating in The Open in February</li>
</ul>
I believe having goals are important in life. They are ways to track that you are progressing as opposed to regressing. The most important thing to remember while you are attaining these goals is to enjoy every moment. You may think this is difficult when you are passing up chocolate donuts or dying during a workout because it can be a struggle; however, moving forward and attaining those goals makes everything worth it. <br />
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<br />Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-79207554252508114902018-10-22T03:44:00.003-05:002018-10-22T03:44:54.430-05:00Why CrossFit<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Last week when I weighed in on Day 90 of my 30 day Paleo Challenge, I learned in I have lost 23 lbs and about 4% body fat. I was pleased with my results and I did what any red-blooded American would do. I posted it on social media. Since then I've had several people ask me how I did it. I give them the short, but what seems like a cheap answer--CrossFit. There is more to it than "CrossFit" only because CrossFit itself contains so much. If I had to break it down simply there are three things that attract me to CrossFit and have helped me on my journey.<br />
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<u>1. Fitness--</u> When people think of CrossFit they think of the CrossFit games. The problem is, they imagine shirtless behemoths doing crazy workouts that should not be humanly possible. Yes, a large aspect is fitness. But the images men and women who could stand in as Greek God's should not be what you think when you think of CrossFit. The image you should picture are average people of all ages, genders, shapes and condition getting off of the couch and doing "constantly varied, high-intensity, functional movement" and doing it across "broad times and modal domains." Simply put-it's a variety of physical movements that help us get healthy and be able to do what we need to do to function in life and keep us out of the nursing home done in a way that <b>anyone</b> can do. <br />
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<u>2. Nutrition--</u> While people think of working out when they think of CrossFit, they are missing a big part of it. The foundation of CrossFit is nutrition. Yeah, you'll get stronger and faster if you just workout but you will not make the gains that you want without focusing on nutrition. The nutrition component is very simple but not necessarily easy. I requires us to stop eating bad carbs and the sugars we are addicted to. Eat meats and vegetables, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar. And to take it to the next level--keep intakes to levels that support exercise but not body fat. I had been back to the gym for several months, but my journey did not start in earnest until I focused on nutrition.<br />
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<u>3. Community--</u> The third side of the triangle of CrossFit that has helped me on my journey is "community." The CrossFit community is all about support and encouragement. The mutual suffering everyone goes through in the daily workout creates a bond and that bond creates a community. It's a community that does not leave anyone behind nor forget anyone. In many gyms you may go, everyone is in their own world, ear buds in plugging away on the treadmill. In my community, I can count on everyone to encourage me to do my best and keep moving on. I can rely on messages from people when I've been gone awhile wondering where I am and encouraging me to get back to the gym. It's this support structure that has encouraged me.<br />
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CrossFit is pushing me to get healthier. It is encouraging me to get fitter. And it is making my journey a fun one.<br />
<br />Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-78068407566673520292018-10-18T05:12:00.001-05:002018-10-18T05:12:28.829-05:00What's Your Why?This season on HBO's show "Hard Knocks" followed the Cleveland Brown's during training camp. In the first episode, linebacker Christian Kirksey, tells his teammates to take out a piece of paper and write down their "why?" Why do they play football? Then take that paper and put it on their nightstand, on the ceiling, wherever- so that it's the last thing they see when they go to sleep and the first thing the see when they wake up. Is it for the money? Is it get family out of their situation? Because football is your life? That why they are reminded whenever things get tough.<br />
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Find your why he says. At the end of the episode, players were in their hotel rooms. Writing down their why and putting them wherever. <br />
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So what is my why? Why am I on this journey? Why am I trying to improve myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually? Is that one question or several? I think for me--it is several questions that can be boiled down to one answer.<br />
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To get to that answer, we have to go back to my childhood--to when I was five years old. My grandpa was the Cubmaster for the local Cub Scout pack and I was so eager to join. As a brand new wolf cub, one of the first things things you learn is the Cub Scout motto--"Do Your Best." <br />
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Somehow in today's world, that's meant as if you do your best you'll win and get a participation trophy and somehow no one loses! That's not what it means though. As a only child of a single mom in small town America "Do Your Best" meant things are going to be tough. You are going to face your own "Hard Knocks" but always do your best because that's the only way you are ever going to succeed. There are no participation trophies. No free rides. No handouts. The only way to succeed is by doing your best and at the end of the day, even if you've done your best and failed, you can take pride in the fact that you put in the hard days work. <br />
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But does that answer the question--What is my why?? Yes--my "why" is because I was raised to always do my best. I was raised to become the best version of myself. I must continuously work on myself and better myself. I owe it to my family and my loved ones. They don't care--they love me for who I am--but I still owe it to them to strive to become better. And I have a long road ahead of me. <br />
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And that is not easy by any means. There is also a self-destructive nature to myself where I don't do my best and I end up making things more difficult for myself. I am very lazy and that's what led to my health issues as well as my spiritual issues and family issues. Every day is a challenge.<br />
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That was the point of Christian Kirskey's exercise. We need to be reminded of what our "why" is even if it means writing it down and posting it on your ceiling where you can see it when you wake up.Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-3165681307353245192018-10-15T05:06:00.000-05:002018-10-15T05:06:02.713-05:00A New StartI've always used this blog as a little peek inside my spiritual journey. I've fallen out of the habit of blogging over the years partially because my spiritual life was crap but also, because of my career, I am hindered by what I can say on a forum such as this. There are people who would take something I believe or an opinion I have and twist and turn it and potentially use it against me. It's also difficult to come up with different topics about what's going on in my spiritual life without sounding like a broken record. I still leap the same hurdles, have the same vices and sins that I've always faced.<br />
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Therefore, I'm going to expand on the blog and talk about my journey as a whole--not just spiritual, but my journey to improve my health, my physical capabilities, emotionally, mentally, as a father, a husband and as a person. This blog will serve sort of as an open journal into my life that maybe can motivate others as well as myself by the act of journalling. <br />
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I think I am at good place right now. I have goals set that I am slowing making but with a long long road ahead of me. Ironically, this all was set in motion by being in poor physical health and it was that poor physical health that helped me raise a sinking ship on the mental and spiritual health I was facing. <br />
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In July of 2015, I went to my doctor for a routine physical and was diagnosed with pre-diabetes. I faced that by continuing my diet of fast food and not working out. It really came as no surprise when, in August, 2017, a follow up physical showed I had full blown diabetes. The good news was, I didn't need medication but I could deal with it with diet and nutrition. I started doing better. I cleaned up my nutrition. I actually made it to the gym. I did well enough that three months later the doctor said he would not have to see me again for six months.<br />
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In those six months, I fell back off the boat and stopped going to the gym and ate fast food as much as I did in the past. As a result, my health markers also crashed. My A1C, which measures your blood sugar over time, rose from 6.7 (which is considered controlled) to 8.3 (which is not controlled.) As a result, I got put on 2000 mg of metformin daily. <br />
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The side effects of the medications as well as other effects of the diabetes, that were already occurring to me such as skin conditions and signs of kidney disease have encouraged me to get my act in gear. I've made to the gym more times in the last six months than I have the last 2-3 years. In the last three months, I've eaten clean about 85% of the time and lost about 20 lbs. <br />
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So, this is my journey--one that I'm dedicated to and become pretty opinionated about. And this is my invitation to you to peek in and see what's going on and hopefully become encouraged to make changes in your life.<br />
<br />Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-3219689320116769302017-12-13T05:37:00.000-06:002017-12-13T05:37:04.802-06:00Negan vs Rick--Who is WorseMy sister, Maggie and I, have been watching AMC's The Walking Dead for several years but this year things seem to be different. There as been no shortage of action, drama or gratuitous violence just like in years past. So why do things just seem so blah?<br />
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For those who don't watch the show; The Walking Dead is about life in a world where a virus has taken over and changed people to zombies. The show has centered around Rick Grimes, a former sheriff deputy along with a group of survivors he has joined forces with. The first couple of years focused mainly on surviving against the zombies--or "Walkers"--along with some interpersonal drama. Then over the years, they have had skirmishes with other groups with the last several years going against "The Saviors" led by the bat carrying bad guy, Negan.<br />
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So, what has made this year different? Rick's group has been at war with The Saviors since the first episode of this season which means there has been plenty of action. When the show started, Rick's group were always the good guys. They were either fighting against the walkers who were trying to kill them or other groups that were trying to take advantage of them. That is how Negan and the Saviors started out. They were a group of bad guys who were trying to take advantage of Rick's group through extortion. Ricks's group had to scavenge and provide for the Saviors or be punished. Rick's group has grouped up with other survivors and are fighting back against the Saviors. In a world where it's every man for himself and where survival is everything, the actions of Rick's groups are not always morally right. <br />
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My theory is if the show had followed Negan from the beginning then he, along with the Saviors would be the good guys and Rick's people would all be the bad guys. That is the problem with The Walking Dead now---it does not seem like there is anyone worth rooting for anymore. Everyone is a bad guy. <br />
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As I was thinking of this, I realized I have seen this thought process in fellow police officers--including myself. After some time on the job, it is really easy to see everyone as a bad guy and lose all sense of empathy for people. We continuously scan waistbands for weapons or watch hands because hands will hurt you. You have to have your guard up because there are people who want to harm you. It's very easy to become judgmental towards people when you are continuously living in a red or orange zone. <br />
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It seems especially difficult working overnights when the most people are home in bed and the majority of people you see are up to no good, drunk or high. It seems as if everyone is telling you lies. They will tell you they've only had a couple of drinks when they are falling down drunk. They will lie about their identity, what they are doing or who shot them.<br />
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The cynicism it causes in police is sad. We start to question everything. We ask if victims are really victims or are they making up their story. It's how shooting victim's end up in handcuffs with a K9 walking around their car checking for drugs.<br />
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It's a fine line. Yes, you have to be cautious and watch hands and waistbands. You can't see everyone as Rick and Negan because if you do, you will miss all of Jerrys and Ezekiels.<br />
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<br />Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-9754710907037629922017-11-07T04:20:00.000-06:002017-11-07T04:20:11.652-06:00Screwtape's TemptationsSeveral years ago, I started reading "The Screwtape Letters," a novel by C.S. Lewis that is composed of a series of letters from a demon named Screwtape to his nephew, Wormwood. In the novel, Screwtape gives advice to Wormwood about undermining faith and promoting sin. It is not an easy read and I gave up on it. I think I should try to read it again because I think it could give me more insight on what is going on in my life more than any self-help book possibly could.<br />
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About a month ago, I was texting back and forth with my wife and she sent me a text. It said something to the effect of, "The devil works overtime on getting to you." The statement caused me to pause and reflect on my life the last few years and I believe God gave me the grace to catch a glimpse of the spiritual warfare that is going on for my soul. The exciting part of this grace is being able to realize that the devil may be putting in overtime on getting my soul but God is working even harder keeping it.<br />
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When I say, God's given me a glimpse at the spiritual warfare it has not been I've watched a great battle between legions of angels and demons. It is not a sideline view of Gettysburg taking place in the cosmos. It is more like a realization of the supernatural battle that is going on around me. By that, I mean, I have seen temptations to sin being presented to me and walked towards those temptations. Then obstacles were placed in front of me that prevented me to succumb to those temptations. <br />
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If it had occurred one time, I would have chalked it up to circumstances. Twice would have been a coincidence. I saw it repeatedly happen to me though. It was enough that I was struck by how often it was occurring to me.<br />
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I sure a theologian would say something to the effect that God may give us graces to make decisions not to sin but He would not present physical obstacles to them because He gives us free will. To this, I would present the counter argument; I literally gave God permission to remove these obstacles. <br />
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Several years ago, I learned a prayer from Mark Hart, a catholic youth speaker and I have been repeating this prayer for the last couple of months. The prayer goes something like this, "<i>Lord, I grant you permission, to remove anyone, or anything, that keeps me from you.</i>" <br />
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This is a very powerful prayer. It is a very difficult prayer to say too. You may think it's a easy prayer. After all, we ask God in different prayers, "not my will, but Your will be done" or "lead us not into temptation" but this is different. In this prayer, you are giving power over to God. You are asking Him to remove something from your life that is already there. <br />
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I encourage you to include this prayer into your repertoire of prayers. I say we cause Uncle Screwtape to work double time. Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-9330225340809677002017-11-01T04:10:00.000-05:002017-11-01T04:10:12.320-05:00Remember Who You AreOver the last several years, while on my spiritual wanderings and tribulations, I repeatedly heard advice thrown at me along the lines of I needed to figure out who I was and how to be my own person. I was told I had a lot to figure out about myself and who I wanted to be. These are all good pieces of advice for someone who is struggling. I best advice I got, did not challenge me to change, but challenged me to "remember who I am." <br />
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This grace came to me while standing at a Royals game. Remember who I am . . .<br />
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I wish the challenge to "remember who I am" had come to me in the form of Mufasa's head in the clouds and in the voice of James Earl Jones like in The Lion King but, more often than not, God speaks to us in silence and not in great meteorologic events. <br />
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Who am I? I am primarily, a husband, a father, and a child of God. Of course, I'm also a son, a brother, a cop, a friend and several other things. But . . . who am I? What is . . . my vocation? It is that of a husband, a father, and a child of God.<br />
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For too long, I had found those things to be too challenging and pushed them away. I did not realize it at the time but I was avoiding those responsibilities and doing a really poor job at them. My path to happiness, though, is to accept those roles and their responsibilities and receive the graces that come along with them. <br />
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I mentioned in another post "<a href="http://www.romancatholiccop.com/2017/10/a-running-sheep.html">The Running Sheep</a>," I had received advice from my therapist to seek spiritual advice. That evening, at the Royals game, when I heard to the call to remember who I was, I texted a priest friend of mine and made arrangements to meet with him. This was my prodigal son moment when I recalled not only "who I am" but "whose I am" and when the Father came down the path to meet me---which is much better than talking to me as a head in the clouds. <br />
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<br />Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-3254078529721223452017-10-26T14:19:00.000-05:002017-10-26T14:19:23.433-05:00Saying GoodbyeLast week a family friend, Rick Norris, was killed in a motorcycle accident. This is my first time in my recent adult life that I recall someone young (49 years old) and in good health being taken away from us. <br />
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As someone who straps on a bulletproof vest and carries a gun to work every day, it isn't uncommon for me to think of death. I can't count the number of times over the years that I've recalled looking at the <a href="http://odmp.org/" target="_blank">Officer Down Memorial Page</a> and thought of Officer So-and-So from Any Town USA PD who had somehow died that day. I imagine that officer putting the collar brass on his uniform or strapping on his duty belt the morning of his final shift just like I am doing at that moment before I go off to work. I imagine that he must have felt it was just a normal day just like this is a normal day for me. <br />
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And then I give my wife a quick kiss and tell her I love her as I walk out the door. I will tell whichever of my kids is in the room I love them as I rush out. Just in case this is the last time I'm walking out the door. <br />
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This doesn't always happen of course. There have been plenty of times over the years when I've been in a rush and just headed out. Or worse yet, been angry because of a recent argument and left angry without saying a word. <br />
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That's just when I leave. In the mornings, I come home and go to bed as everyone else is getting ready for school or work. They all leave in a rush so I rarely get a hug and kiss before they leave. <br />
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So, I have two favors to ask of you. The first, is to tell your loved ones you love them. Don't assume they know. They cannot hear it enough. Certainly tell them as you walk out the door. You may not strap on a bullet proof vest and carry a gun but you never know how your day will go.<br />
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Secondly, please remember Rick, and his wife Debin, in your prayers. Finally, help support Dogs by Debin--the dog rescue that Rick and Debin co-founded. You can donate <a href="https://www.paypal.me/DogsbyDebin">here.</a>Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-28608427213014206342017-10-24T04:12:00.001-05:002017-10-24T04:12:39.684-05:00A Running SheepLast week, I attended training called, "Building Resiliency: Surviving Secondary Trauma," which could be titled "How to Live as a First Responder." In a nutshell, it teaches you how to deal with the stresses and traumas that first responders deal with day to day. <br />
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In one of the exercises, the facilitator passed out post it notes and had everyone write down the three most valuable things in our lives. We then passed the paper to someone else at the table and they were to scratch out the first thing listed--symbolizing that thing being taken away from us.<br />
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There was an audible gasp from someone in the class as they realized what they had to do. I actually chuckled when I got my paper back. I had written "faith" and it seemed appropriate because for the last several years, I had been trying to ditch my faith for a variety of reasons. <br />
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I had stopped going to Sunday mass, much less any daily masses. I had stopped praying and I had even stopped going to confession and adoration. The only times, I let God into my life was Sunday evenings when I was teaching confirmation. That was because it was a responsibility I had agreed to. There was also my annual retreats to Notre Dame. Looking back, I'm not sure why I continued to go there every summer when my spiritual life was a wreck. <br />
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I've heard it said, that Hell is a choice or that Hell is the absence of God. I believe that the loneliness and despair I've been feeling for the last several months felt like hell on Earth. <br />
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It's also been said, "the sheep can run fast, but the shepherd can run faster." I knew that all God wants is a personal relationship with Him. I also know the words of St. Augustine who said, "my heart is restless until it rests in you, Oh Lord." But I kept running away and I believe God allowed me to feel lonely and desolate as an act of compassion so I would turn back towards Him. <br />
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The first cracks in my stoney heart started at Notre Dame this year at the opening talk with Mike Patin. It continued by my going to confession, and being able to receive communion for the first time in years. I was also aided by being able to talk to different youth ministers while I was there. <br />
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But I was stubborn and still tried to run away.<br />
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There were more cracks when I went to a Sunday mass in August and my parish priest welcomed me by name, despite not seeing me for years. And even moret at mass for the Assumption of Mary when I felt God's presence and love.<br />
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But even then I was still stubborn and continued running.<br />
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I think the scales really started coming off of my eyes when I decided to take my therapist's advice and sought spiritual advice from a priest. As soon as I contacted the good padre and made arrangements to speak to him, I felt like a light switch had been flipped and I began receiving spiritual relief. <br />
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At this point, God had to be shaking his head in disbelief and as I still tried heading for the gate because even after my meeting with the priest, I still wasn't there. I've still had to go to confession every couple of weeks but I feel like I'm coming around more and more. I've gone to Sunday mass the last couple of weeks. My spiritual life is still a crap show but it's looking better.<br />
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As in the past, I've used the blog as a way to help me grow spiritually and I hope now that I've started it up again, it will continue to do the same and I hope to share it with you.Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-42864816266412980662017-10-08T05:38:00.001-05:002017-10-12T03:35:04.593-05:00Loneliness SucksFor some time now, for various reasons that I'm not quite ready to discuss, I have been suffering severe loneliness and depression. Let me tell you something--it sucks. It's more than just being in a funk. I don't think there is a simple way out. <br />
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How do I describe what it's like to be lonely and depressed? I have to explain it because no one else has ever felt this way. At least that's how it seems. You are standing there, the world is going on around you and you are in your own head--which is a bad place to be--and you are thinking "no one has ever felt as low as I do right now." It's a dark place to be. There were times when I was laying in bed, trying to sleep, and I felt as if I was laying at the bottom of a pool--total silence, darkness, unable to reach out for help, crushed by my loneliness. There were other times when I'd be around other people and feel totally alone. I remember walking around a baseball stadium with 25-30 thousand people there knowing that physically I was not a lone but feeling it emotionally and spiritually---wondering how all of these people could be laughing and having a good time.<br />
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I know there are a ton of resources out there for people in my profession. There are plenty of people to talk to. If I nickel for every time I heard someone say in a class "call me if you ever need someone to talk to. . . " I wish it were that easy. I don't thinking opening up is easy for most people but it's even more difficult for people like police who but up barriers every day at work. It can be a Catch-22, I don't want to talk to an officer I know, cops are judgmental, cops are blabbermouths. Just---no. But then the thought of talking to someone who isn't a cop is just as asinine---they don't have a clue what I'm going through. (For the record, there are organizations out there where first responders can call and talk to other first responders. I never used any of them so I'm hesitant to recommend any.) In all my lonliness, I never had any doubt that there weren't people out there willing to reach down to help me up. It is just such a huge mental obstacle to get over and it's difficult to explain if you haven't been there.<br />
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The resource I did use was my department's Employee Assistance Program. And I was able to find the perfect therapist--a former first responder who specializes in first responders. Despite any gains I had from going there, I HATED going every time I did. Several times, I would see an appointment coming up and would find any excuse to reschedule it. It was painful. I hated the advice he would give me. I did not want to do it. I did not want to be there. But the loneliness was worse and I knew I had to do it if I wanted to get better.<br />
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As I said earlier, cops put up barriers. It's how we make it through the day. Most of the time, we just cannot show emotional weakness. So, we put on masks. We act as if everything is okay. So, I was best when I was at work, even though I was alone most of the time. At work, I'm expected to have my guard up so I didn't have to be emotionally vulnerable. At work, I could keep busy and despite bad things going on all around me, it was an emotional reprieve when I was busy because I was anywhere but in my own head. <br />
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One of the things that helps me the most in my loneliness is this silly thing that I found on the web---I assume it was originally on Urban Dictionary, but in some of my darkest moments, it reminded me of what I already know. Despite all of our despair and all of our loneliness, we really aren't. This silly think would give me the courage to reach out in dark times to friends, to relatives--not for them save me and bring drama into their lives--but just to keep me afloat for a minute. A couple people I opened up to. Others probably never knew anything was wrong.</div>
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I'm doing better now. I followed my therapists advice. I took a trip. I listed to a guy who sounds like a fortune cookie. I remembered I am His. I'm not cured and there is a long road ahead of me, but at least not there is some Light.</div>
<br />Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-87360458851243773432014-09-15T05:18:00.001-05:002014-09-15T05:18:40.335-05:00Maybe Next Year<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I've been a fan of the Kansas City
Royals ever since I was a little kid. Some of my fondest memories
growing up involved the Royals. Whether it was traveling to Kansas
City with my Uncle Mick to catch a game at then Royals Stadium or
listening to Denny Matthews broadcasting a game while sitting next to
my grandpa. I can remember when the Royals won the World Series in
1985.</div>
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Those fond memories seem like a
lifetime ago. That 1985 World Series was the last time my Royals
even made the playoffs. Since then, there has been a lot of let
downs and a lot of bad teams. The Royals have floundered in the
cellar only occasionally finishing the season over .500.</div>
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It doesn't matter how bad the team is,
I've always supported them. I've flirted with the idea of switching
allegiances but who would I cheer for? The St. Louis Cardinals?
I'd rather eat a bowl full of razor blades. The Minnesota Twins?
Nice team with great fans but too far away. Besides, I feel that I
owe loyalty to the team for no other reason than because of my
Grandpa and my Uncle Mick.
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And every winter I always get drawn
back. They would make trades and signings and I would think to
myself that “maybe they will be a little better this year.” Of
course I would also be disappointed when their best players would
leave after a few years for more money and better opportunities.
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This year has been different though.
The Royals finally seem to have their act together and have been
playing meaningful games in September. They've lead the division
into September. It's been exciting. Fans have been showing up to
the ball park and there is electricity in the air.
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But it's been so many years since the
Royals have been really good and so many disappointing seasons now
that even when they do good I am always waiting for the other shoe to
drop. You aren't sure of a win until that last out in the ninth
inning. You are always waiting for the next losing streak. And even
this year, two weeks before the end of the season I find myself
waiting to be disappointed.</div>
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I wonder sometimes if God feels the
same way about us. Does He sit there getting exciting thinking,
“Maybe Jamie is finally getting his act together. His prayer life
seems to be coming together. He's been attending daily mass
regularly.” Only to be disappointed when my sinful nature rears
it's ugly head and I act like I act instead of how I want to act.
God wants to cheer us on but does He hold His breath waiting for us
to screw up? Does God get frustrated thinking, “Well Jamie isn't
in the cellar. He has been hovering at .500 for several years. But
it's time to take his game to the next level and make the playoffs.”
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Somehow I doubt it. I expect God
maintains hope in us. I expect He has faith in us that He has given
us the grace that we need in order to succeed. He is our biggest
cheerleader. The biggest homer. Expecting us to succeed even when
we have given up on ourselves.
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Perhaps, I should hope in my Royals the
way God has hope in us. Perhaps, I should have hope in myself the
way God has hope in me and take my game to the next level. </div>
Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-7968134026078752782014-07-21T05:12:00.000-05:002014-07-21T05:12:55.342-05:00To Love One AnotherAt the end of May, I went to my high school class's 25 year reunion. Like many people, I was not a fan of high school. It was a very lonely time for me. I felt like no one cared for me and as if I were invisible. What I didn't realize at the time is that most high school kids feel the same way---lonely, not cared for and invisible.<br />
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I figured that out as I grew older but what I hadn't realized until my high school reunion was really, how closed up in myself I was at that time. I thought I was a caring person and that everyone else were the jerks. But, as I talked to classmates who were talking about their memories of high school, I learned how much I did not know. I didn't know that so and so's parents were going through a divorce or that so and so had gotten pregnant. I didn't know this or that because I was so worried about why people didn't care about what I had going on in my life. <br />
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Twenty five years later, and I've matured a little but I think I'm still too wrapped up in my own worries and concerns and I think God is calling me to love others more. This was realized a couple of weeks ago when I went to the University of Notre Dame for a program for campus and youth ministers called "ND Vision." <br />
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This was my second year at ND Vision and I was intrigued as to what God had in store for me. Last year, He really put me through the wringer and made me feel His love like no other time in my life--no matter how much I tried to resist. God loves me despite all my faults and despite all my wrongs. He loves me because it is what He does.<br />
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Now, I believe I am called to love others. I'm sure you are thinking, "yeah, no kidding. We are supposed to love others." I've always understood that but I don't think I've done a great job at it. I think I've done a good job at tolerating others. I've done a good job at liking others. I've done a good job at not hating others. But I have not done a good job at loving others. Loving others that way that God wants me to love them. And not just family and friends but I'm called to love the stranger and the person I'm not familiar with.<br />
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It was made obvious to me in the different sessions. It was made obvious at confession when I laid all my sins out in front of God and was told that if I worked at my vices of not loving others then the others sins would take care of themselves. It was made obvious in my solitude. I went to Notre Dame alone and was made to open up with the other youth ministers who were strangers to me and through the week became my friends.<br />
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I wish I came home from Notre Dame a changed person and now loved everyone with a new heart. The fact of the matter is that it is going to be difficult. I'm a realist and well, lets face it---some people are jerks---myself included. Some people make it difficult to love them--myself included. I also have to be self protective. I have a line of work where people are trying to harm me so I have to leave up a guard.<br />
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Yet, still, I need to see people as children of God. I need to see them as being made in the image and likeness of God. I need to see them as people that Jesus died on the cross for just as He did me. I think it will be a challenge. But I think doing so will not only be pleasing to God but will make me a saint. Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-55230373896644137402014-06-23T06:57:00.000-05:002014-06-23T06:59:17.690-05:00Returning to GalileeAt this years Easter Vigil mass, Pope Francis spoke about how the apostles first met Jesus along the shores of Galilee and how after His resurrection they returned to Galilee and met the risen Christ once again. Pope Francis pointed out that we all have have a Galilee---that moment where we first met Jesus. He went on to further state that we must also return ther to, "encounter [Jesus] and let [yourself] be embraced by [his] mercy. We must return, "to see Jesus risen, and to become a witness of his resurrection. This is not to go back in time; it is not a type of nostalgia. It is returning to our first love, in order to receive the fire which Jesus has kindled in the world and to bring that fire to all people, to the ends of the Earth.<br>
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My "Galilee" is the Univeristy of Notre Dame. Last year I went there for what I thought would be a simple retreat, but I had my world turned upside down. It was the first time I believe that I truley met Jesus. Oh, I've had conversions and reversions. I've had those moments where I've felt the presence of God. But this was the first time that I TRULY met Jesus and he did quite the piece of work on me. He cracked open my chest and exposed me to His love and showed me that He loves me not because of who I am but He loves me despite who I am. He showed me how to love. <br>
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This week, I am back at Notre Dame for another week at ND Vision. I don't have any great expectations. I'm not expecting any mind blowing, mountain top, transfiguring experiences. I am just hoping to return to Galilee. I want to sit on the beach while Jesus barbecues me some fish and enjoy His friendship and love. I just want to rest in prayer and spend some time with Him. Oh, I plan on having fun too. I plan on meeting new people and making new friends. But, I can't wait to return to Galilee. <br>
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So, please remember me in your prayers this week if you could and I'll remember you in mine.</div>Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-59679171479412408262014-05-15T04:18:00.000-05:002014-05-15T04:18:11.121-05:00It is an HonorThis last weekend was the North Central Regional Competition for the CrossFit games. Unfortunately, one of my favorite athletes, Stacie Tovar, did not do well and will not be competing at the Games in Carson, California this year. In the end, I think that the attitude she displayed when she did not win showed what a true champion she is and she proved herself to be a role model for the rest of us. <br />
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Probably the main reason I've always cheered for Stacie is because she is from Omaha, Nebraska which is about an hour an a half from where I grew up in northwest Missouri and I've always been one to support my "local" team. I'm a Royals fan, a Chiefs fan and a Missouri Tiger fan through thick and thin (and lets face it-with those teams there have been more thin than thick) So, even though I'm in Kansas City now it made sense to cheer for a top athlete from Omaha.<br />
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Another reason I root for her is because I remember seeing her in a CrossFit video from probably 7-8 years ago and she was tiny. She looked like the average female CrossFitter and nothing like the studette she looks like today. I realized when I watched that video of her working on her push press how many hours and hours she has put into the gym and into her nutrition to get to the level where she is competitive with the world's fittest.<br />
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This weekend's performance solidified me as a fan though. Friday was rough for her and she ended the day in 11th place. Saturday was a little better but she was way back in 9th place at the end of the day. She was in tears on the Update show knowing full well that the odds were slim for her making it back to Carson for the sixth year in a row. I remember thinking, "how does one even come back and compete on Sunday after two days like that?" It just had to be crushing to know that she would not only not be competing for first place but she would not end up on the podium at the end of the weekend and would not be competing against her friends come July. How does on even show up the next day?<br />
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Show up she did. On the first workout of Sunday she crushed it and finished first and actually did better than any female on the day in any regional in that workout. And she was smiling from ear to ear. Then she did well in the second and final workout. She ended up in sixth place. It wasn't good enough to put her in the games but it was a great performance and showed a lot of guts. Her statement to the interviewer when it was all over spoke volumes about who Stacie Tovar is as a person when she said, "it is an honor to compete." <br />
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"It is an honor to compete." It's a simple statement that showed great humility and one that we should carry with us where ever we are in life. It's basically saying that we should count our blessings. It's remembering that everything we have and everything we are is a gift from God so appreciate what has been given to us instead of cursing what we don't have.<br />
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When I am at the gym and just sucking air after everyone else has already finished the workout --- it is an honor that I am able to be there, that I am physically able to compete when others cannot, that I'm a few minutes from home instead of being in an austere environment like many soldiers and Marines, remember that I'm surrounded by friends cheering me on. I'm blessed. <br />
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When I'm at work and it's been a bad night seeing the underbelly of humanity--it is an honor that I'm put in the position to help others out in their moment of crisis, that I'm allowed to put this badge on, to lead and give direction to a great group of officers and that I'm kept safe throughout the night. I'm blessed.<br />
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When I am at home and I just want to sleep but the kids are keeping me awake or I have tasks to do--it is an honor to be a father and a husband and have the responsibility to raise three children and an honor to be married to my smoking hot wife who I am madly, passionately in love with. I'm blessed.<br />
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When my spiritual life is turned upside down and I've tripped and fallen. It's an honor that God has given me the gift of free will and allowed me to grow by allowing me to trip and fall. It's an honor that God loves me so much that he has afforded me the opportunities, the grace and the mercy to always return back to Him.<br />
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So, thank-you Stacie Tovar for not only entertaining me while I watch you compete. Thank you for showing me what it means to never give up. Thank you for reminding me how honored I truly am. Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-53817231532287569242014-04-25T05:57:00.000-05:002014-04-25T05:57:11.534-05:00JPII And TOTBThe other day I was listening to the radio and they were talking about Pope John Paul II's canonization on this upcoming Sunday along with Pope John XXIII. One of the things they were discussing was the impact Pope John Paul II had on them. I grew up with John Paul but I was not really fully involved and formed in my faith until after the Parkinson's had set in and he was in poor health. Because of this, I cannot say that he had an impact on me growing up, but I think I can say that his teachings have an impact on me now.<br />
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In particular, his teaching on the Theology of the Body (TOTB) has had a great impact and my deepest regret is that I had not learned about it twenty years earlier. The pope taught about the Theology of the Body over a number of years at his Wednesday audiences. In essence, the Theology of the Body is the study of God through a more profound understanding of the human body and our own sexuality. <br />
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The Theology of the Body helps us understand the church's teaching on sexuality and explains why she teaches what she does on things such as marriage, contraception and homosexuality. The Catholic Church's teaching on sexuality, while thought by many to be archaic is anything but. It is beautiful--although sometimes difficult.<br />
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It has taught me to not let my life be led by hormones and to allow my soul to have control over my body.<br />
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It has taught me to look at women as a people to love and not to look at them as objects to be used. I realize this may make me sound very sexist but I think it is a safe bet that most men battle lust to some degree and they either succumb to it or they totally shield themselves off and "guard their eyes" when an attractive woman is in the room. It is still a battle for me and I'm still careful, but I like to think that I can see an attractive woman and appreciate her beauty without seeing her in a sexual way. To do so would be sinful.<br />
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Finally, it has allowed me to have a greater intimacy with my wife. <br />
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It has allowed me to see her as part of me because of our marriage. We are more than two separate people. We are made one flesh by the bonds of our marital vows. When she hurts, I hurt. When she wants, I want. I want to do everything I can to make her happy even if I have to make sacrifices myself.<br />
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It has helped me see sex as a physical act between two people. It is an act of intimacy between two people where the husband is giving all of his love to his wife and the wife gives all of her love to the husband and the result of this love is, if God wills it, a child. Sex between a husband and wife is in reality a reflection of Trinitarian love---the love that flows between Father, Son and Holy Spirit. As the three are one so husband and wife are one. There is nothing more intimate than a husband and wife in the "marital embrace."<br />
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What impact has Pope John Paul II had on my life. A great one. He has helped me understand my own sexuality and how my sexuality interacts with my wife's. So, some how, the little old Polish priest over in Rome, who will be made a saint on Sunday, helped my sex life. Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-60891359351221962352014-04-18T05:39:00.002-05:002014-04-18T07:51:55.857-05:00Breathing---My Cross to BearMy family has a history of bad lungs. I've had uncles who have won the fight against lung cancer and I've had uncles who have lost their fight with lung cancer. I've seen yet another uncle wither away due to emphysema. I remember watching my grandfather have to use a breathing machine when I was kid. So, while their lung problems may have a lot to do with smoking, I've certainly seen relatives with lung problems.<br />
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I also have lung problems, although nothing as drastic as lung cancer or emphysema. I do have to deal with exercise induced asthma though. The only time it really bothers me is when I'm working out. And if you look at this amazingly sculpted body, it's no secret that I work out. Occasionally. When I do work out, I enjoy doing CrossFit---constantly varied, functional movements done at high intensity. It's great because no matter how good of shape you are in---it's going to kick your butt. </div>
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It does get frustrating for me though because my lungs do not let me go as fast as I want. Sure, some workouts muscle fatigue hits me too, but nearly every workout my respiratory capacity slows me down and I have to pace myself so I don't "red line." And, I know I'm not supposed to let my ego get in my way, but it does suck always being one of the last ones to finish. Fortunately, all of the other people in the gym cheer me on and encourage me.</div>
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It sucks not being able to breath. It sucks feeling like you are suffocating or drowning. You think to yourself, I could be home on the couch. A thought came to me one day as I was praying the rosary (I took it up as my Lenten obligation, and did a good job for the first couple of weeks too). The rosary is a form of prayer where, as you say certain prayers, you meditate of different parts of Jesus' life. There are different meditations for different days of the week. So, for instance, this day was Friday so I was praying the Sorrowful Mysteries. So for a certain set of prayers, I would meditate on the "Agony in the Garden" and then the "Scourging at the Pillar," for another set of prayers, then the "crowning of thorns," followed by the "carrying of the cross" and finally the crucifixion.</div>
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As I was praying on the crucifixion, I was contemplating the agony that Jesus as going through as he hung up on the cross. The mode of death for people being crucified is actually suffocation. With the arms outstretched and the person hanging there, the lungs are compressed making it very difficult to breath and the person eventually dies, sometimes hours or even days later, buy suffocating. In fact, during our Lord's passion, the Romans broke the legs of the two criminals on either side of Jesus. They did this so they could not use their legs (which were nailed into the cross) to lift their bodies for a few moments so they could breath. By breaking the legs, they could not lift themselves up to breath and their death was hastened. </div>
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I imagined what a horrible way to die that would be. Then I thought of what a wuss I must be when I feel like I'm gasping for air and breathing heavy just a few minutes into a workout. I'm doing the workout for my betterment. I'm doing it so I can be in shape and look good for my wife. I'm going it for me. Jesus went through all of that, for me. He suffocated and He died for me. Because of my sins. Because He wants to spend eternity with me because He loves me that much. <br />
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It's one thing to contemplate that while siting in a pew at church. It is quite another to have that thought pop into your head in the middle of a workout. While you are doing burpees and just slugging it out---throwing yourself down and picking yourself back up, cursing out the trainer who made up this workout and you realize that Jesus went through worse for me. At that point, all you can do is suck it up and push on and offer up the pain you are going through.<br />
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As an aside, my gym posted this great workout for today--Good Friday---The Jesus WOD!!!</div>
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Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-55846149165607585032014-04-14T05:29:00.001-05:002014-04-14T05:29:16.801-05:00Discernment Can Be FrustratingDiscernment is the act of making a decision and basing that decision on what we believe God wants. That's not a definition out of any dictionary or anything---it is straight out of my own head so feel free to criticize it. Normally when we think of someone discerning something, we imagine a young man or woman trying to determine whether they should go down the road to the religious life as a priest or brother or as a nun for the ladies versus pursuing the married life. But in reality, we should use the act of discernment in any major life decision we face and even in our daily run of the mill decisions. After all, if we base our decisions on what God's will it we should end up pretty good.<br />
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The problem with discernment is that we cannot ever really be too sure that the decision we come to is ours or God's. It is not very often that God appears as a burning bush and explicitly tell us what to do. He gave Moses a couple of tablet with His rules and He told Noah the exact specifications on how to build the ark. No, for us we pray and hope that God gives us the grace to make the right decision.</div>
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I understand the rationale----God does not come right out and say, "Jamie, I want you to do <blank>" because He wants to give us free will to make our own decisions and not be mere robots. He want us to love Him freely.</div>
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But what about when we freely want to do His will. "Here I am, Lord, I'm here to serve you. Tell me what you want. Just stinking tell me what you want already! Whatever it is, I'll do it." It can be downright frustrating.</div>
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I've been told that when you've come to the right decision you will have a feeling of peace. I can understand that. I have no doubt that I am where God wants me in life is because one of the places on Earth that I feel the most safe, secure and happy is when I'm with my wife, Abby. I'm at peace.</div>
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But what about when you make a decision and you are at peace with it and you are happy with the decision and you have no doubt that this is what God wants from you and you have obstacles thrown in your way. "God, I thought this is what you wanted. Shouldn't the road ahead of me be paved smoothly? Shouldn't I have smooth sailing? Why all of the barrier and obstacles?"</div>
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I realize that the Devil is the one throwing obstacles in our way just as he is the one that tempts us and lures us to sin. I realize that you have to have persistence and patience to follow through on the decision you made through your discernment. But would it be too difficult to give me a little pat on my back or whisper in my ear so I know I'm on the right path??</div>
Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-91327657922004109652014-03-21T11:31:00.001-05:002014-03-21T11:31:18.869-05:00Don't Let Hate WinFred Phelps, the founder of the Westboro Baptist Church, passed away yesterday at the age of 84. The Westboro Baptist Church made itself famous by never passing up the opportunity to protest something. They protested everything from soldier's funerals to concerts to scenes of natural destruction. And their protests spewed hatred while claiming that they were spreading the word of love. Unfortunately, even in death, Fred Phelps continues to create hatred--this time towards him and his church.<br />
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My Facebook timeline and Twitter feed was abuzz yesterday after Phelps' death. Most of what I read what the exact same type of hatred that the Westboro Baptist Church delivers. If there is one thing that Phelps did it was unite people from the left and people from the right in their contempt towards the WBC. I had people in the military saying, "I hope you rot in hell" and liberal friends who think that everyone should be free to believe what they want saying, "I'll piss on your grave." <br />
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Reading all of this truly made me sad because I believe that instead of spreading the word of God they were aiding Satan in spreading hate and Satan loved every minute of it because that hatred was going back to the WBC. The WBC claims God hates when the opposite is true. God cannot hate because God IS love and when people hate they are separated from God---just what the Devil wants. <br />
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Everyone has been saying that Fred Phelps is an evil man. Some even comparing him to Hitler or Stalin. I'm pretty sure that he did not kill thousands of innocent but I cannot judge how evil he was because I cannot look into his heart and thus I cannot judge the man just like he couldn't just all of those that he claimed God hated. <br />
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I do know this though. God loved him. He was created in the image and likeness of God and God desired to have a relationship with him. I know that Jesus died on the cross for him. I know that God has called me to love just He loves me. So, you'll excuse me if I don't hate Fred Phelps and instead, I pray that in the end he found peace with God and is on his way to Heaven instead of Hell. You see----I won't let hate win in my heart. Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-66767680121938179462014-03-12T04:57:00.000-05:002014-03-12T04:57:38.511-05:00How Easy is SinI have two little prayers that epitomize where I seem to be spiritually. The first one is one I learned from Mark Hart and it is, "Lord, I grant you permission to remove anyone--or anything---that keeps me from you." The second prayer is attributed to St. Augustine and is, "Lord, make me chaste----just not yet."<br />
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You see, I want nothing more than to be a saint and to spend eternity in front of the face of God in Heaven, yet the lure of sin is so great that I seem to desire it more than Heaven. I think there are several reasons for this. <br />
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The first is the deception of what sin is, provided by the Devil. The Devil convinces us that sin is not that bad, and what people tell me is sin probably isn't really. I mean, who are we really hurting? And who is making the rules up anyway? Who are they to tell me that something is wrong. I'm the one who knows best about what's right or wrong for me. <br />
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The reality is of course, I'm ignorant when it comes to most things much less theology. Should I really trust my eternal soul on my own opinion when I don't even know how the combustion engine works much less even begin to understand the inner thinking of God, who created the universe? We are blessed that God gave us the Church to guide us and help us, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to become saints.<br />
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They second lure of sin is that, lets face it, sin is so much damn fun. I enjoy a good snarky comment that zings someone. I enjoy finding the good juicy gossip on someone and I certainly enjoy complaining about someone and telling my friends how dumb someone else. And don't even get me started on attractive women---they are pleasing on the eyes. Even when I know things are a sin and understand why a certain behavior or act is sinful it is so difficult to turn away and and do what is more pleasing to God instead of what is pleasing to Jamie. Those chains of sin are strong and very difficult to break. But it's not impossible. As I've matured, I've broken some and the lures of certain sins are as attractive as they once were.<br />
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Finally, I don't think that, as humans, we are more in touch with our physical sides and not so in tune with our spiritual sides. As such, I don't think we are aware of the damage that sin causes us. When we sin, we turn away from God. We are walking away from Him. So, the real price of sin is death. So, if I die in a state of mortal sin I've destroyed my relationship with God and I've sentenced myself to eternity without His love and without being in His presence. Fortunately, God loves us and wants us to be with Him. So much in fact that He became a man Himself and became the ultimate sacrifice for our soul. Fortunately, He is merciful. Fortunately, he gave us a way for us to repair that relationship with us in the sacrament of reconciliation.<br />
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God knows me. He knows that I love Him and want a relationship with Him. He also knows my failings and how desirable I find sin. He gave me the Church to lead me and to help me better understand sin and not be fooled by the Devil. He gave me the Church to help me break those chains of sin. He gave me the Church to that I can receive that sacrament and be reconciled with Him. So, yes Lord, remove anyone or anything from that keeps me from you---and do it now, because I do not want to ever be separated from you. <br />
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<br />Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-44267530787557875322014-03-03T05:22:00.000-06:002014-03-03T05:31:10.860-06:00The Five Love LanguagesSeveral years ago, I read the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman and to this day I think it is one of the most fascinating and eye opening books about love and I believe that every spouse should read it. It helps you to understand that the way you are expressing your love may not be received in the way that you think it is.<br>
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The basic premiss of the book is that we all speak one of the five different love languages. The love language that we speak is how we express our love for each other. It is also the most favorable way that we receive love. So, a husband and a wife may be madly in love with each other but if they are expressing their love to the other in a language the other isn't speaking then that love isn't being communicated and that person is not feeling loved. Then problems arise because that love that the couple has for each other is not being communicated. So, the key is to determine what love language your spouse speaks and communicate to them in that love language, even though it may not be your primary language, so that they more fully receive that love you have for them.<br>
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The different love languages are:<br>
<u>Words of Affirmation</u>- Compliments, words of love, verbally expressing your love, appreciation and admiration about the other<br>
<u>Acts of Service</u>--Doing something for the other, especially something that the other person does not like doing<br>
<u>Receiving Gifts</u>--Actually giving something physical to someone such as something that you've noticed they need or something as simple as a card or a love letter<br>
<u>Quality Time</u>--sitting down with the person, eye to eye contact, uninterrupted time<br>
<u>Physical Touch</u>--goes beyond the bed room (but certainly includes it), holding hands, a gentle touch as you pass by, hugs<br>
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An example is the husband who constantly brings home gifts for his wife but she is frustrated because she just wants him to help around the house more often. He then gets upset because she is fixing dinner instead of appreciating the gift.<br>
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It is important to know your spouses love language not only so that you can communicate your love to them in that language but to hear it from your spouse.<br>
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I think a reason I enjoyed this book so much is because my wife and I don't speak the same love languages. I have no doubt that Abby loves me but there are times when I'm sad and lonely because she is not speaking my language. I actually have two----"Words of Affirmation" and "Physical Touch." When she isn't speaking those languages, I have feelings of rejection and my self-esteem tanks. It is in those moments that it is important for me to hear her communicate in her love language---which is "Quality Time." So, I realize that her going to the store with me or watching television with me are ways that she expresses her love for me. And I, in turn, have to make sure that I plan dates nights and such for her.<br>
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We can't alwaysexpress our love for our spouse in the way that only makes us happy. Buying your wife a bowling ball when she does not bowl (like Homer Simpson did for Marge) doesn't make sense. Sometimes, we have to get dressed up and go to the ballet. Sometimes we need to take time to tell her how beautiful she is, or buy him the video game he wants, or hold hands. Whatever your loved one wants.<div><br></div><div>If you have not read, "The 5 Love Languages" then order it today. Download it to your Kindle or Nook and read it tonight. There are some great ideas in there for showing your spouse you love them. You can also checkout their website at 5 Love Languages.com.<br>
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<br></div>Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-6898543830934076502014-02-19T06:18:00.001-06:002014-02-19T07:54:41.193-06:00More Than Just a CopA few weeks ago, my department came out with a new social media policy. It is a typical social media policy that any professional organization would put into place to protect itself and to protect it's employees. One part of the policy may be a little different than your employer because it suggests not identifying yourself as a police officer. Now, this may seem ironic sense I have a blog titled, "Roman Catholic COP" but I really do not have a problem with that suggestion because I do not necessarily like to be seen as a cop.<br>
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Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of my profession and I'm proud of all of my fellow officers throughout the world who are professional and dedicated. I would be proud to have my badge etched into my tombstone when I die. At the same time, I do not normally volunteer that I'm a police officer. It always seems to turn awkward. <br>
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It never fails---once someone find's out I'm a police officer the questions start. "Have you ever shot anyone?" "How many people have you shot?" "Aren't you scared?" "What's the worst thing you've seen?" "What's the weirdest thing you've seen?" "What's the scariest thing you've seen?" "Do you know my cousin, Joe--I forget his last name, but he works for [insert some other agency 100 miles away]" <br>
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A lot of these questions are questions that, unless I'm close to you, I may not really feel like opening up about. Some stories are ones that I may not want to have dragged up and rehashed. I do have some canned stories that I use just to satisfy people's curiosity and to shut them up. But, I'm very good at compartmentalizing things and when I'm not at work, I don't want to think about work.<br>
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I'm proud of my profession but I don't want to necessarily be put into that box. I would be much happier to be labeled by my vocation of husband and father. At the end of my life, if no one remembers me as a police officer it will not be that big of a deal. In fact, I realized a long time ago that I won't change the world as a police officer and I probably will never realize the lives that I do touch. But it is much more important that I am a good husband and a good father but I will know how I impact the lives of my wife and my children. It is much more important to me that they know that I love them and that I do everything I possible do to lead them to God.<br>
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Both my profession and my vocation have had negative effects on the other. I work a lot of overtime and off duty jobs that take me away from family time but it's to provide for my family so they are never wanting. And on the other hand, I have never put in for any specialized units and I have remained on the overnight shift for most of my 15 year career so that I can see my family during the evenings, take my kids to and from school and not have my schedule messed up. It's a delicate balance and I think I do a reasonably good job.<br>
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Yes, I'm a police officer. I'm proud to be a police officer. But if I had to be labeled----I'd rather that label be "husband" or "dad."Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-13172425499996971302014-02-14T11:26:00.002-06:002014-02-14T11:26:53.775-06:00Loving and HonoringToday is Valentine's Day--or more specifically, "St. Valentine's Day." It's a day of looooooooove!!! Hearts and roses, chocolate candy, pink and red. Really, a bunch of fluff. I think there is something more important to look at when you are thinking of your significant other. Something that is normally thought of, at least in my mind, in a military manner. And that is "honor."<br />
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In a Catholic wedding, the couple makes several vows, among them are that they are there "freely and without reservation to give [them]selves to each other," and to "honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives" and finally to "accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church."<br />
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What does it mean to "honor each other" though? Honor is to regard with great respect. I think more marriages would survive if more people worked on honoring their spouse instead of whatever their idea of "loving" is. In today's society, "love" is thrown around too much and too easily. People love certain foods or businesses or even celebrities and it's easy to take that mindset into a relationship. When that happens then love is just a trend. A tattoo today only to be lasered off tomorrow. <br />
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But to honor your spouse means to respect them. It means to treat them better than you would treat yourself. It means to want the best for the other person. It means sacrifice. It means to go that extra mile to express that love that you claim for them and doing what makes them happy, even if it is something that you may not want to do.<br />
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Honor your spouse by not treating them as a lesser person. Don't talk bad about them in the lunch room to your fellow workers. Treat them special.<br />
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I am very good at loving my wife. I'm not always good at honoring my wife. I get lazy. I get selfish. It's easy to love. It's not so easy to honor.<br />
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So, this Valentine's Day, don't limit yourself at just loving that person that you are spending the rest of your day with but work on honoring them too. Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-90484242441603142102014-02-10T05:44:00.000-06:002014-02-10T05:45:02.621-06:00Prayer, not PerformanceThere has always been something that bothers me when people choose where they go to church because of the music. I understand why it bothers me---there is much more to consider than the music. But at the same time, I understand why someone would take music into consideration, especially when you take into account the saying that goes something along the lines of, "He who sings, prays twice." <br />
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Music is important in worship and in fact, it is one of the reasons I take into consideration as to why I go to the mass that I do. I realize that may sound conflicting because I started off by saying that it bothers me when people do that so let me explain. I enjoy the music at all of the masses at my parish because the music supplements the liturgy while not overwhelming and taking it over.<br />
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The particular mass I go to has a group of young adults leading the music. I wouldn't call it a "choir" nor would I call it a band. They have an acoustical guitar and a bass guitar as musical instruments but they are so subtle that in reality they could go without them and you wouldn't notice. They sing contemporary music while at the same time sing traditional Catholic hymns with a nice mix of Latin hymns such as Tantum Ergo. And by contemporary, I mean songs that might be sung by Matt Maher for Pope Francis and not any songs taken from the Glory and Praise hymnal. <br />
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I believe these young musicians at this mass do such a wonderful job in being reverent which in turn makes the music more prayerful and therefore more vertical. What I mean by being "more vertical" is that the music makes you focus upwards towards God in a form of worship as opposed to going vertical and being all about how great we are in the congregation. The music isn't about "I" or "we." The only time I've heard "me" being sung is when the request for God to "consume me" or "transform me." <br />
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The best way I can describe the music and the reason I believe that it fits in so well in the mass is because it is "prayerful." I get the sense that I am praying while singing. It does not feel like a perfomance is going on during the mass. There is no stage director cuing people in. There are no props. </div>
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And wouldn't you know it--the congregation is still "fully, actively, participating in the liturgy." </div>
Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-206524469710613848.post-32415979418107057442014-01-23T04:41:00.000-06:002014-01-23T04:41:31.385-06:00Looking Back at ND VisionIt's been seven months since I went to Notre Dame for ND Vision. Normally, when I've been to retreats I come back on a high from the mountain top experience but quickly settle back down to normal day life. ND Vision was different. It still rocks my world to this day. It's not uncommon for me to have dreams about going to Notre Dame. That's not to say that I haven't resorted back to my sinful nature but the amount of spiritual growth I made in those five days was more than I had grown in years.<br />
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For the longest time, I always said that I wanted to be a window that people can see Christ through. I wanted God's love to shine through me and to attract people to Him. The problem is that throughout the years, I've tried to point people to God saying, "there He is. Isn't it wonderful" when instead I should have been saying was, "HERE He is. He is wonderful." I was pointing towards Him without fully experiencing His love for myself. I was cowering down in the shadows, afraid of His light, afraid of His love because I was afraid that it would expose my darkness. I was pushing Him away because I did not feel worthy of His love.<br />
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At Notre Dame, God touched me and exposed me to His love like I had never felt before. I believe it was a sample of what purgatory must be like where God slowly exposes Himself to us and purifies us. It was overwhelming. It was torturous. It was painful. And it was the most amazing and wonderful feeling in the world. He tore me down and built me back up and made me realize that, no, I'm not worthy of His love but it doesn't matter---He loves me not matter what I do. No matter the secrets I think I'm hiding from Him and no matter my blemishes.<br />
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So now, when I talk about God, I no longer point down the road saying, "He is down there." I am able to point at myself and say that, "He is right here." I truly can let His love shine through me.<br />
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The second huge event that occurred that week that I would compare to the moment in John 19:27. Jesus was on the cross and He saw the Virgin Mary and John, the beloved disciple. He said to Mary, "Woman, behold your son!" and then He said to John, "Behold, your Mother!" <br />
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I had an experience on the Tuesday afternoon while walking around St. Mary's Lake where I believe that I felt Mary's presence. I believe she was with me and I believe that Jesus used that week encourage me to find a devotion to Mary and remind me that she is my mother too and that I should use her when I need help. And what a better place to this than at Notre Dame, a university dedicated to Our Lady.<br />
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I look forward to going back to ND Vision this summer. Right now I don't know how I'm going to get there but I'm going to get there somehow. I don't care if I have to drive myself, fly a plane or walk. I am going to get there. And I'm excited to see what God has in store for me. Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03269281885467672383noreply@blogger.com0