Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Are Y'all Still with Me!?

I got the opportunity for the first time in a long time to jump into the blogosphere tonight.  Obviously I've been gone for a few weeks.  Interesting enough, several other bloggers had pointed out they haven't been blogging a lot lately (as observed by my stealing of the title of this post from my sister.)     Where have I been?  That's an interesting question.

Let's just say, I've been scatter-brained and trying to get my priorities in order.  My wife Abby pointed out that I'm like a juggler who constantly has six balls in the air and trying to figure out what to do and wondering how I'm doing it.   With work, off-duty jobs, Cub Scouts and other activities, I have so many things going on that everything is a mess.  I'm struggling to keep all of those balls up in the air.  So even my blog, which was like an escape for me---someplace to  put my thoughts  became a burden.   It got to the point that I was even juggling my support system. 

So for that reason, among others, I'm trying to get my support system back underneath me.   I feel like I have a pretty good support system made up of my wife, my family and my friends.   I suppose you could use the old analogy of the three legged stool and each one of those legs supporting me.  But I think it's an imperfect analogy.  One reason is because it's not quite that even of a balance.   I lean more on Abby than I do my family or friends.  If she wasn't there for me then I'd be toast.  I'm at a loss.  That being said, the other two legs are necessary because, well, lets face it--I'm so needy that Abby couldn't deal with all of my quirks and insecurities alone and still keep her own sanity.   So I lean on family to support me because they have to love me no matter what---it's the law!  And I lean on my friends because my mom stopped paying people to hang around me years ago so I know that my friends are my friends because they stick around despite my quirks and insecurities.

Another reason that the stool analogy is imperfect is because a stool offers simple support.  It goes one way.  Whereas, I maintain relationships with my support systems.   It goes two ways.  They take care of me and I take care of them.  The problem comes in when you don't take care of your support system or you start juggling it along with everything else or when you focus on one leg of your support system more than you should.   That's when your support system can become a stress.  That's when you need to back off and place the focus where it belongs.   Maybe you've been focusing so much on your volunteer work so that your family is suffering.  Or maybe you've been spending too much time drinking or watching football with your buddies that your spouse is neglected.  

The final reason that the stool analogy is imperfect is because it doesn't include God.  Without God, you are nothing.  It doesn't matter what type of support system you have.  You could have the best wife (which I do), a wonderful family (which I do) and the best best friends (which I do) but without God first in your life then you will never find the peace that you are looking for.  And that's something else I need to work on.  My poor prayer life is kicking me in the butt.  I need to work on my relationship with God just like I have to work on my relationship with Abby, my family and my friends.  

I'm looking for more than just balance in my life.  That would imply that I'm still juggling things.  I think a better descriptor would be that I'm looking for order.  I need to put everything in it's respective place and in the proper order.  What does that mean for RomanCatholicCop.com?   Like I said earlier--I use this blog as an escape so I'm not quitting blogging.  I'm just not going to feel a NEED to blog.  I'm going to use it as escape like I originally intended and stop thinking I need to post three times a week and stop checking out StatCounter.com to see how many people viewed it every day.  It's all about order.