My One Thing---Special Funeral Edition

In Matthew Kelly's talk, "The Seven Pillars of Catholic Spirituality"  he suggests taking ONE thing from father's homily on Sunday and to write it down in a journal.  He says after one year of going to mass you will have an amazing guide to spirtuality.

Every week, I'm going to add the ONE thing I learned from that Sunday's mass.  What ONE thing did you hear this week end.

I've been slacking the last couple of weeks.  I already forgot my ONE thing from the first week of ordanry time but here is my one thing from last Sunday plus a special one from my Aunt Joy's funeral yesterday:


Aunt Joy's Funeral at St Peter the Apostle in Joplin, MO by Fr. Jay: "We should live life right up to the edge but to be careful not to go over."

2nd Sunday of Ordinary Time, 5:00 Saturday Evening mass at Holy Family: "We are running out of time so the time for change is now--the time for grace is now."


Epiphany--6:30 Sunday evening mass at St. Andrew's the Apostle: "If we are truly living out our Catholic identity then we should expect to be a little weird."


Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God, 5:00 Saturday Evening mass at Holy Family: "God calls us to peace in the midst of chaos."

Santo Subito, Aunt Joy

I'm leaving town for Joplin today to attend the funeral of my Aunt Joy who passed away on Friday night at 70 years old.  And then I'm driving across the state to Tarkio for the burial on Thursday.  For a great piece on my Aunt Joy read my sisters post, "Rest In Peace, Aunt Joy."  I have to admit, that I have some mixed emotions about the upcoming days.

I'm very sad for my Uncle Alan who has lost his spouse--the love of his life and soul mate.  I'm sad for my cousins who have lost their mom and grandma.   I can't imagine losing my mom and I've realized over the last couple of weeks how fortunate I am that my mom had me when she was so young.  Yeah, I know it sucked for her being 18 years old and having a baby but I'm blessed because I will grow old still having my mom in my life.

I'm sad because I will miss Aunt Joy.   She was a truly amazing woman.  She was funny, wacky, loving and holy woman.  She is one of those people that was a window for us to see Jesus through.   She was someone we should model our lives by.

I'm sad because it's a passing of time and I'm losing another part of my childhood.  All of my aunts and uncles were a great part of my childhood.  They all had impacts on me.  I have so many memories of all of them and it saddens me to lose these memories.

I have to admit though, Joy's passing also brings a sense of happiness and---well, a sense of joy to me, if you'll excuse the pun.

First of all, and I'll admit it---I get excited for funerals because the McAdams family does funerals right.   We makes funerals a true celebration of life.  Yeah, there will be a lot of tears shed over the next few days but I know there will be a lot of laughs too.   Funerals are like unexpected family reunions for us and our family reunions are a sight to behold.  Granted, we won't be able to sit around the camp fire drinking beer (although my daughter did point out that my mom has a fire pit in her back yard) but we will still have lots of bonding opportunities.

I'm happy because Aunt Joy has ended her pilgrimage and face to face with God now.  I'll be honest with you, I don't say this lightly.  I'm not one of these people who go to funerals and flippantly say that the dearly departed is now in Heaven.  Yeah, we have hope that they are on their way but let's pray for their souls so that they are released from purgatory soon.  Certainly, when I die---don't assume I'm in Heaven.  Pray for me!!!  In fact, I want that etched on my tombstone--"PRAY FOR ME!"  I'm pretty sure I'll make it to Heaven eventually, but I may be turning off the lights in purgatory.  But Aunt Joy, if she had to spend any time in purgatory, it was for a light dusting not the full blown purification that I will need.

Finally, and this is me being selfish again.   Aunt Joy was my son Max's Godmother.  He asked the morning after she died--a couple of weeks after seeing his sister, Emma, being confirmed with her Godmother at her side as her sponser, "Does this mean I can't be confirmed??"   I told him later on, "Max, this just means that your Godmother is in heaven praying for you."   Yeah, I'm happy because I can go to Aunt Joy and ask for her intercessions.  I have someone in Heaven praying for Max---and both Max and I need lots of prayers, I tell you what.

Sadness and happiness.  Happiness and Sadness.  It will be an emotional roller coaster week for me and my family.  So, please pray for us.  And I'm sure that Joy doesn't need our prayers but she was a humble woman and I'm sure she would be aghast if I was telling people she doesn't need our prayers so please, remember Aunt Joy in your prayers tonight.

My One Thing

In Matthew Kelly's talk, "The Seven Pillars of Catholic Spirituality"  he suggests taking ONE thing from father's homily on Sunday and to write it down in a journal.  He says after one year of going to mass you will have an amazing guide to spirtuality.

So, I'm going to post my ONE thing I took from father's homily every time I go to mass and post it here.  I was going to start last week but things got crazy so you get a two for one.

Last week, we had a substitute priest.  It one the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God.  The ONE thing I took was, "God calls us to peace in the midst of chaos."

Yesterday--the Epiphany---we went to 6:30 mass at St. Andrews and the ONE thing I took was, "If we are truly living out our Catholic identity then we should expect to be a little weird."

An Absence of Love

Every once in a while, one of my kids will come up to me because they are having a bad day.  Something has gone wrong in their day and  they and are in need of daddy cuddles. [Which have been proven in studies to be better than mommy cuddles]  So, we'll snuggle up and watch some television and after awhile they feel better.   I have to admit that sometimes I feel the same way.   I'll be in the dog house with the wife.  I feel like I'm up against the world at work.   None of my friends will return my texts.  I'm just feeling unloved.  My wife calls it a "pity party."

Call it a pity party.  Call it feeling sorry for yourself.  Call it whatever you will.  I think we all feel unloved at some point or another.  It may be accurate but it's a feeling none the less.  We see it all around us.  Everyone is looking for love.  They are looking for happiness in one thing or another.  In my job, I see a cross section of society and I see people doing it all wrong.   On a Friday or Saturday night, I see men and women in my city's entertainment district out looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right--or at the very least Mr. or Mrs. Right Now.   I go on calls and see people looking for happiness in a crack pipe or a bottle of gin.  I see guys and gals looking for happiness by selling themselves on the street corner.  I see the business man looking for happiness by going to the seedy hotel and picking up a prostitute and getting crack.   I see it in my fellow officers who work second jobs so they can afford a bigger house or a boat.  Or the officers who are putting their spouse and children through divorce because of their search for happiness and love.

It doesn't take a lot of common sense to realize that love and happiness doesn't come in getting high or drunk.  It doesn't come is hooking up for a night or paying for a good time.  It doesn't come in material things.  And it certainly doesn't come in abandoning your family for someone who you think will give you a better life.

No.   Love and happiness only comes from one place.  Pope John Paul II said it best when he said at World Youth Day, "It is Jesus you seek when you dream of happiness; He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you.... It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be grounded down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humble and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal."   

Yeah--It's Jesus we seek when we are seeking happiness.  Nothing else will make us truly happy.   St. Augustine said, "My heart is restless until it rests in you."   Stop looking.  He is right there waiting on you.   Find a quiet place today and pray.  Listen for Him.   If you can't find him?  Keep praying.  He's there.    The only time we are really truly absent from love is when we are absent from God.  The only way that is going to happen is when we've turned away from Him.  So turn around and go back to Him.  Feel His love burning inside of you.  It was there all along.

Mary, Mother of God--and Teenager?

As Catholics we have a strong devotion to Mary.  We believe that she was an amazing woman.  As the mother of Jesus--who is God--she is in turn the "Mother of God."   And as adopted brothers and sisters of Jesus, she is also our mother.

God must have also thought that Mary was an amazing woman.  Of all the women in the world over the centuries, He gave Mary the task of being the mother of Jesus.   I'm not sure we really appreciate what an amazing woman she must have been.   I was sitting contemplating Mary and wondering that.  What was Mary like?  Loving? Compassionate?  Funny?  But I know lots of people like that.  Why was she so special?  We are taught she was without sin.  That had to be interesting right?  But . . . why Mary?  And then I started to think.

I have been a catechist for teenagers for over ten years now.  I've helped teach hundreds of teens and I really enjoy it.  I also have a daughter who is a sophomore and a niece who is a junior in high school.  This all means that I have been around a whole lot of teens in my life.  Have you ever walked around a high school filled with a bunch of teens??  I think they can be compared to aliens.  They are a unique bunch.  Remember the bus scenes in great teen age like "Sixteen Candles" or "Ferris Bueler's Day Off."  Teen agers are goofy!  I love being involved in youth ministry.  I love teaching teens.  But. . . they are goofy.  Maybe that's why I enjoy it because I'm pretty goofy myself.

Now think of this.  Bible scholars think Mary was about 15 or 16 years old when she gave birth to Jesus.  Mary was the same age as my daughter.  Now I love my daughter.  I'm not biased at all and I feel it's safe to say that my daughter, Emma, is one of the smartest, prettiest girls, funniest girls alive on the face of the Earth.   I trust her to babysit.  But to be made the Mother of God?  Oh heck no!  No way, I would trust her to hold God in her arms and to raise Him.  It would seems like some sort of weird sit-com.    And that's my daughter, who I love and adore and think the world of.

But two thousand years ago, a little girl, the same age as Emma, was picked by God to be the God Bearer.  She was asked to bring God incarnate into the world.  And to raise Him. To feed him. To change His diapers. To teach Him.  This scared little girl--was asked to flee into another land in order to keep her son safe.  And chose to do so.  She chose to stay by His side when His friends didn't.  She was at the foot of the cross when her son was persecuted and died.

It was through Mary that Jesus entered the world.  Jesus entered the world through Mary and He saved us.   Yeah.  She must have been an amazing woman.    I wish I had a devotion to Mary.  I wished I honored her like I should.   What about you?  Do you have a devotion to her?

Well Done, Good Job

I just read a report of two officers who, while on routine patrol, observed a guy breaking into a car.   They pulled him out of the car and then located the owner who was grateful that nothing had been taken.  There have been a lot of car break-ins in this part of town and I'm sure that not only did the officers prevent this car owner from being a victim but they probably prevented several other people from being victims.   I thought the officers did a great job so I wrote them up for a "Supervisory Notice."  It's nothing big.  It's just a piece of paper from a supervisor that goes into their personnel jacket.  It's not like they are getting a medal or a certificate or anything like that.

I really don't know who will appreciate the Supervisory Notice more--the officers or me.  It was really nice to give the officers a pat on the back---an atta boy.  Sometimes, I feel as a supervisor that I spend too much time being negative, despite my best efforts to be positive.  It gets tiresome to be critical of someone because they aren't doing what they are supposed to be doing or not working hard enough.  It's much more fun to be complimentary.

I have to wonder if that is what God feels like when we do what is right and pleasing to Him.  When we DON'T sin.  I wonder if he feels the joy and adulation that I do when I see my people working hard and making good arrests.

I can see several parallels.  For instance, I can see how it is easier to sin and not to be pleasing to God.  After all, it's easy to sin.  Sin is fun.  Many times there doesn't seem be any punishment for not sinning.  It's difficult to see the rewards.

In the same way, I can see how it's easier not to work hard.  Officers who work hard are more likely to get hurt and more likely to get complained on.   You are less likely to get in trouble if you just do the minimum.  You don't get paid more for working hard.  It's difficult to see any rewards.

I think in both circumstances, you have go beyond physical rewards and punishments.  In order for us to want to be pleasing to God and in order for us NOT to want to sin we have to have a lot of faith.  We have to develop a relationship with God and break the chains of sin.  In order for us to want to be good workers and develop a nature of working hard, we have to take pride in what we do for a living.  We have to enjoy what we do and really see the big picture.  

I know for me, I like to get atta-boys.  I like it when people acknowledge that I've done a good job.  But, lets face it--no award or certificate is going to compare to hearing the words from my Father, "well done, my good and faithful servant."

Three Prongs for Confession

Here's the deal.  I'm just a guy in the pews.  Most of what I know about Catholicism is self taught.  I have no degrees in theology so everything I have learned has been from books, CD's or retreats for the most part.   So, I'm no expert by any means.  But, I think I'm right when I say the sacrament of reconciliation is fabulous and is too under used and unappreciated--in my little opinion.  Furthermore, I think one of the reasons that it is under used is because Catholics don't understand it and they don't understand it because it's not taught like it should be in most parishes.  I get frustrated because I know what it means and I know what it can do for a person.  I have a passion for the sacrament of reconciliation.  Yet, I see parishes that get more excited about a parking lot than they are about a reconciliation service.

I firmly believe that reconciliation should be used by everyone and used often.  So, here is a three pronged plan on how to expand the use of confession.

1. Teach/Preach Sin--I don't think we really understand what sin is and what it does to our soul.  I wouldn't be surprised if many people don't think the sin at all.  I don't think that people know what mortal sin is and what it means to be in a state of mortal sin.  I think if people knew that being in mortal sin means death and separation from God they would do whatever they need to do to get into a state of grace.  But, to teach about sin is scary and we don't want to scare the kids.  Preaching about life and death and the possibility of Hell seems to be frowned upon.   There is a way to preach about sin and Hell and eternal damnation though, without preaching fire and brimstone.  After all, through Jesus, we can break the chains of sin and escape the fires of Hell.  But, if we aren't taught we don't know that.  It is much more loving to teach truth and about sin and Hell than it is to cover it up so we don't know about it.
2. Teach/Preach Confession--I believe another reason people don't go to reconciliation is because they don't understand it.  They think that they can just go to God in prayer and be forgiven for their sins.  They don't understand that we are only fooling ourselves when we do that.   Jesus gave us the sacrament because He understands that we are human and that we need to humble ourselves, and get our sins off our chests.  It is through reconciliation that we are given the grace to not sin.   People don't understand that we should go to confession at least once a year and definitely when we are in a state of mortal sin.  I heard a story a while back of a youth minister who sent out emails reminding the teens that confirmation was soon and they should go to confession.   She was contacted by a parent who told her that her teen had already gone to their first reconciliation.  (The key word is "first"--which means there should be a second, and a third etc etc)   We need to teach how to go to confession so that people will be more comfortable. Heck, just go to where I posted how to go right here.  It should be preached to us in the homilies how important confession is.
3. Have reconciliation--I heard someone say once that if you are only offering confessions once a month then you are not really offering confession and I find that very true.  If a parish only has a confessions once a month then I feel they are telling their parishoners that confession isn't that important.  I have seen with my own eyes that parishes that offer confession often have lines to the confessional.   Once a week is good but even more often than that is better.  I think it would be fantastic if parishes would have daily confession like they have daily mass.   I've seen lines to confession with people of all ages, young and old, men and women at parishes that have daily confession.   I think daily confession is a blessing to any parish that has it.

I don't think these things would be very difficult to do.  I think the most difficult thing to do is to change the mindset.  No, every homily should not be fire and brimstone.   Every class should not have confession shoved down their throats.  And I understand that priests aren't able to always have daily confession.  But let's start somewhere.  We are to spread the Good News and part of that is to spread the word of God's mercy.  We receive that mercy through reconciliation.   We are supposed to be saving souls.  We don't do that if we downplay sin and the need for confession.

So, any priest who is reading this---please--start somewhere.  I'll start by offering my prayers.