Last week when I weighed in on Day 90 of my 30 day Paleo Challenge, I learned in I have lost 23 lbs and about 4% body fat. I was pleased with my results and I did what any red-blooded American would do. I posted it on social media. Since then I've had several people ask me how I did it. I give them the short, but what seems like a cheap answer--CrossFit. There is more to it than "CrossFit" only because CrossFit itself contains so much. If I had to break it down simply there are three things that attract me to CrossFit and have helped me on my journey.
1. Fitness-- When people think of CrossFit they think of the CrossFit games. The problem is, they imagine shirtless behemoths doing crazy workouts that should not be humanly possible. Yes, a large aspect is fitness. But the images men and women who could stand in as Greek God's should not be what you think when you think of CrossFit. The image you should picture are average people of all ages, genders, shapes and condition getting off of the couch and doing "constantly varied, high-intensity, functional movement" and doing it across "broad times and modal domains." Simply put-it's a variety of physical movements that help us get healthy and be able to do what we need to do to function in life and keep us out of the nursing home done in a way that anyone can do.
2. Nutrition-- While people think of working out when they think of CrossFit, they are missing a big part of it. The foundation of CrossFit is nutrition. Yeah, you'll get stronger and faster if you just workout but you will not make the gains that you want without focusing on nutrition. The nutrition component is very simple but not necessarily easy. I requires us to stop eating bad carbs and the sugars we are addicted to. Eat meats and vegetables, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar. And to take it to the next level--keep intakes to levels that support exercise but not body fat. I had been back to the gym for several months, but my journey did not start in earnest until I focused on nutrition.
3. Community-- The third side of the triangle of CrossFit that has helped me on my journey is "community." The CrossFit community is all about support and encouragement. The mutual suffering everyone goes through in the daily workout creates a bond and that bond creates a community. It's a community that does not leave anyone behind nor forget anyone. In many gyms you may go, everyone is in their own world, ear buds in plugging away on the treadmill. In my community, I can count on everyone to encourage me to do my best and keep moving on. I can rely on messages from people when I've been gone awhile wondering where I am and encouraging me to get back to the gym. It's this support structure that has encouraged me.
CrossFit is pushing me to get healthier. It is encouraging me to get fitter. And it is making my journey a fun one.
This season on HBO's show "Hard Knocks" followed the Cleveland Brown's during training camp. In the first episode, linebacker Christian Kirksey, tells his teammates to take out a piece of paper and write down their "why?" Why do they play football? Then take that paper and put it on their nightstand, on the ceiling, wherever- so that it's the last thing they see when they go to sleep and the first thing the see when they wake up. Is it for the money? Is it get family out of their situation? Because football is your life? That why they are reminded whenever things get tough.
Find your why he says. At the end of the episode, players were in their hotel rooms. Writing down their why and putting them wherever.
So what is my why? Why am I on this journey? Why am I trying to improve myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually? Is that one question or several? I think for me--it is several questions that can be boiled down to one answer.
To get to that answer, we have to go back to my childhood--to when I was five years old. My grandpa was the Cubmaster for the local Cub Scout pack and I was so eager to join. As a brand new wolf cub, one of the first things things you learn is the Cub Scout motto--"Do Your Best."
Somehow in today's world, that's meant as if you do your best you'll win and get a participation trophy and somehow no one loses! That's not what it means though. As a only child of a single mom in small town America "Do Your Best" meant things are going to be tough. You are going to face your own "Hard Knocks" but always do your best because that's the only way you are ever going to succeed. There are no participation trophies. No free rides. No handouts. The only way to succeed is by doing your best and at the end of the day, even if you've done your best and failed, you can take pride in the fact that you put in the hard days work.
But does that answer the question--What is my why?? Yes--my "why" is because I was raised to always do my best. I was raised to become the best version of myself. I must continuously work on myself and better myself. I owe it to my family and my loved ones. They don't care--they love me for who I am--but I still owe it to them to strive to become better. And I have a long road ahead of me.
And that is not easy by any means. There is also a self-destructive nature to myself where I don't do my best and I end up making things more difficult for myself. I am very lazy and that's what led to my health issues as well as my spiritual issues and family issues. Every day is a challenge.
That was the point of Christian Kirskey's exercise. We need to be reminded of what our "why" is even if it means writing it down and posting it on your ceiling where you can see it when you wake up.
I've always used this blog as a little peek inside my spiritual journey. I've fallen out of the habit of blogging over the years partially because my spiritual life was crap but also, because of my career, I am hindered by what I can say on a forum such as this. There are people who would take something I believe or an opinion I have and twist and turn it and potentially use it against me. It's also difficult to come up with different topics about what's going on in my spiritual life without sounding like a broken record. I still leap the same hurdles, have the same vices and sins that I've always faced.
Therefore, I'm going to expand on the blog and talk about my journey as a whole--not just spiritual, but my journey to improve my health, my physical capabilities, emotionally, mentally, as a father, a husband and as a person. This blog will serve sort of as an open journal into my life that maybe can motivate others as well as myself by the act of journalling.
I think I am at good place right now. I have goals set that I am slowing making but with a long long road ahead of me. Ironically, this all was set in motion by being in poor physical health and it was that poor physical health that helped me raise a sinking ship on the mental and spiritual health I was facing.
In July of 2015, I went to my doctor for a routine physical and was diagnosed with pre-diabetes. I faced that by continuing my diet of fast food and not working out. It really came as no surprise when, in August, 2017, a follow up physical showed I had full blown diabetes. The good news was, I didn't need medication but I could deal with it with diet and nutrition. I started doing better. I cleaned up my nutrition. I actually made it to the gym. I did well enough that three months later the doctor said he would not have to see me again for six months.
In those six months, I fell back off the boat and stopped going to the gym and ate fast food as much as I did in the past. As a result, my health markers also crashed. My A1C, which measures your blood sugar over time, rose from 6.7 (which is considered controlled) to 8.3 (which is not controlled.) As a result, I got put on 2000 mg of metformin daily.
The side effects of the medications as well as other effects of the diabetes, that were already occurring to me such as skin conditions and signs of kidney disease have encouraged me to get my act in gear. I've made to the gym more times in the last six months than I have the last 2-3 years. In the last three months, I've eaten clean about 85% of the time and lost about 20 lbs.
So, this is my journey--one that I'm dedicated to and become pretty opinionated about. And this is my invitation to you to peek in and see what's going on and hopefully become encouraged to make changes in your life.
My sister, Maggie and I, have been watching AMC's The Walking Dead for several years but this year things seem to be different. There as been no shortage of action, drama or gratuitous violence just like in years past. So why do things just seem so blah?
For those who don't watch the show; The Walking Dead is about life in a world where a virus has taken over and changed people to zombies. The show has centered around Rick Grimes, a former sheriff deputy along with a group of survivors he has joined forces with. The first couple of years focused mainly on surviving against the zombies--or "Walkers"--along with some interpersonal drama. Then over the years, they have had skirmishes with other groups with the last several years going against "The Saviors" led by the bat carrying bad guy, Negan.
So, what has made this year different? Rick's group has been at war with The Saviors since the first episode of this season which means there has been plenty of action. When the show started, Rick's group were always the good guys. They were either fighting against the walkers who were trying to kill them or other groups that were trying to take advantage of them. That is how Negan and the Saviors started out. They were a group of bad guys who were trying to take advantage of Rick's group through extortion. Ricks's group had to scavenge and provide for the Saviors or be punished. Rick's group has grouped up with other survivors and are fighting back against the Saviors. In a world where it's every man for himself and where survival is everything, the actions of Rick's groups are not always morally right.
My theory is if the show had followed Negan from the beginning then he, along with the Saviors would be the good guys and Rick's people would all be the bad guys. That is the problem with The Walking Dead now---it does not seem like there is anyone worth rooting for anymore. Everyone is a bad guy.
As I was thinking of this, I realized I have seen this thought process in fellow police officers--including myself. After some time on the job, it is really easy to see everyone as a bad guy and lose all sense of empathy for people. We continuously scan waistbands for weapons or watch hands because hands will hurt you. You have to have your guard up because there are people who want to harm you. It's very easy to become judgmental towards people when you are continuously living in a red or orange zone.
It seems especially difficult working overnights when the most people are home in bed and the majority of people you see are up to no good, drunk or high. It seems as if everyone is telling you lies. They will tell you they've only had a couple of drinks when they are falling down drunk. They will lie about their identity, what they are doing or who shot them.
The cynicism it causes in police is sad. We start to question everything. We ask if victims are really victims or are they making up their story. It's how shooting victim's end up in handcuffs with a K9 walking around their car checking for drugs.
It's a fine line. Yes, you have to be cautious and watch hands and waistbands. You can't see everyone as Rick and Negan because if you do, you will miss all of Jerrys and Ezekiels.
Several years ago, I started reading "The Screwtape Letters," a novel by C.S. Lewis that is composed of a series of letters from a demon named Screwtape to his nephew, Wormwood. In the novel, Screwtape gives advice to Wormwood about undermining faith and promoting sin. It is not an easy read and I gave up on it. I think I should try to read it again because I think it could give me more insight on what is going on in my life more than any self-help book possibly could.
About a month ago, I was texting back and forth with my wife and she sent me a text. It said something to the effect of, "The devil works overtime on getting to you." The statement caused me to pause and reflect on my life the last few years and I believe God gave me the grace to catch a glimpse of the spiritual warfare that is going on for my soul. The exciting part of this grace is being able to realize that the devil may be putting in overtime on getting my soul but God is working even harder keeping it.
When I say, God's given me a glimpse at the spiritual warfare it has not been I've watched a great battle between legions of angels and demons. It is not a sideline view of Gettysburg taking place in the cosmos. It is more like a realization of the supernatural battle that is going on around me. By that, I mean, I have seen temptations to sin being presented to me and walked towards those temptations. Then obstacles were placed in front of me that prevented me to succumb to those temptations.
If it had occurred one time, I would have chalked it up to circumstances. Twice would have been a coincidence. I saw it repeatedly happen to me though. It was enough that I was struck by how often it was occurring to me.
I sure a theologian would say something to the effect that God may give us graces to make decisions not to sin but He would not present physical obstacles to them because He gives us free will. To this, I would present the counter argument; I literally gave God permission to remove these obstacles.
Several years ago, I learned a prayer from Mark Hart, a catholic youth speaker and I have been repeating this prayer for the last couple of months. The prayer goes something like this, "Lord, I grant you permission, to remove anyone, or anything, that keeps me from you."
This is a very powerful prayer. It is a very difficult prayer to say too. You may think it's a easy prayer. After all, we ask God in different prayers, "not my will, but Your will be done" or "lead us not into temptation" but this is different. In this prayer, you are giving power over to God. You are asking Him to remove something from your life that is already there.
I encourage you to include this prayer into your repertoire of prayers. I say we cause Uncle Screwtape to work double time.
Over the last several years, while on my spiritual wanderings and tribulations, I repeatedly heard advice thrown at me along the lines of I needed to figure out who I was and how to be my own person. I was told I had a lot to figure out about myself and who I wanted to be. These are all good pieces of advice for someone who is struggling. I best advice I got, did not challenge me to change, but challenged me to "remember who I am."
This grace came to me while standing at a Royals game. Remember who I am . . .
I wish the challenge to "remember who I am" had come to me in the form of Mufasa's head in the clouds and in the voice of James Earl Jones like in The Lion King but, more often than not, God speaks to us in silence and not in great meteorologic events.
Who am I? I am primarily, a husband, a father, and a child of God. Of course, I'm also a son, a brother, a cop, a friend and several other things. But . . . who am I? What is . . . my vocation? It is that of a husband, a father, and a child of God.
For too long, I had found those things to be too challenging and pushed them away. I did not realize it at the time but I was avoiding those responsibilities and doing a really poor job at them. My path to happiness, though, is to accept those roles and their responsibilities and receive the graces that come along with them.
I mentioned in another post "The Running Sheep," I had received advice from my therapist to seek spiritual advice. That evening, at the Royals game, when I heard to the call to remember who I was, I texted a priest friend of mine and made arrangements to meet with him. This was my prodigal son moment when I recalled not only "who I am" but "whose I am" and when the Father came down the path to meet me---which is much better than talking to me as a head in the clouds.
Last week a family friend, Rick Norris, was killed in a motorcycle accident. This is my first time in my recent adult life that I recall someone young (49 years old) and in good health being taken away from us.
As someone who straps on a bulletproof vest and carries a gun to work every day, it isn't uncommon for me to think of death. I can't count the number of times over the years that I've recalled looking at the Officer Down Memorial Page and thought of Officer So-and-So from Any Town USA PD who had somehow died that day. I imagine that officer putting the collar brass on his uniform or strapping on his duty belt the morning of his final shift just like I am doing at that moment before I go off to work. I imagine that he must have felt it was just a normal day just like this is a normal day for me.
And then I give my wife a quick kiss and tell her I love her as I walk out the door. I will tell whichever of my kids is in the room I love them as I rush out. Just in case this is the last time I'm walking out the door.
This doesn't always happen of course. There have been plenty of times over the years when I've been in a rush and just headed out. Or worse yet, been angry because of a recent argument and left angry without saying a word.
That's just when I leave. In the mornings, I come home and go to bed as everyone else is getting ready for school or work. They all leave in a rush so I rarely get a hug and kiss before they leave.
So, I have two favors to ask of you. The first, is to tell your loved ones you love them. Don't assume they know. They cannot hear it enough. Certainly tell them as you walk out the door. You may not strap on a bullet proof vest and carry a gun but you never know how your day will go.
Secondly, please remember Rick, and his wife Debin, in your prayers. Finally, help support Dogs by Debin--the dog rescue that Rick and Debin co-founded. You can donate here.