The other night I was watching a movie called "The Grace Card"--a faith based movie filmed by several churches in the Memphis, TN area. The movie is intended to show the healing power of forgiveness and God's grace. The Holy Spirit can use the same vehicle to pass different message onto different people. For me, I took that I should trust in God. The only problem was---I was having difficulty trusting in God until Thursday morning.
The movie deals with a Memphis Police officer, Mac McDonald, who's 4 year old son was killed after being struck by a car driven by a fleeing felon. Mac lives the next 17 years as a very angry man, becoming racist and having problems with his wife and other son. He is partnered up with Sam Wright, who is also a part time pastor. The partnership causes Wright to question his ministry.
The part of the movie that spoke to me was Mac's--especially the way he dealt with the death of his son and the way he dealt with his other son. Mac had totally pushed God out of his life. Mac had actually pushed everyone out of his life and was about to lose his family and any friends he had. He had totally lost trust in God and he was put into a position where it was very difficult to turn that around. It wasn't until he allowed himself to trust God that things started to turn around.
The reason this movie was such a punch in the gut was because Mac was dealing with the loss of his sons---one who died as an infant and the other who he did not have a good relationship with. At the time that I watched the movie, I had a great fear of losing my own son. My thirteen year old son, Max, was having surgery in a few days. I did not let anyone know this but the surgery scared me to death. It was to remove a tumor from his neck that was near his jugular. His doctor's did not make it out to be a real risky surgery but that did not matter. The thought of losing Max on the operating table was a very real thought in my head and it scared the heck out of me.
I believe that the only thing that kept me sane the past several weeks was my trust in God. Although, I have to admit, at the time it did not feel like I had much trust in Him. After all, one would think that if they trusted God they would not have fear of loss.
In the end, everything ended well. Surgery went fantastic and Max is doing well. And I did not go crazy from the fear that was in my head.