For years, I've scoffed at people who would make comments that their spouse was their best friend. You see, I thought that demeaned my wife. In my mind, a husband or a wife was to be held in higher esteem than just a friend. After all, friends come and go, and friendships are often fleeting, especially when times are tough. Your spouse is going to be there for you through thick and thin and they are going to be there with you for the rest of your life. I felt it was lowering your spouse down to the level of a friend.
Ironically, at the same time, I've always been sad that I didn't have a close friend. I never had a buddy, a pal, an old college roommate who has always been by my side. You see them in movies all the time. So what was wrong with me that I didn't have a best friend. It was a sadness that I have seemed to have had ever since high school.
Well, I've come to the conclusion that I'm an idiot (no comments from the peanut gallery!!) You see, here I was sad because I didn't have someone to plug into that hole of "best friend" yet everything that I wanted in a best friend I already had in my wife. She is my buddy, my pal, my old college roommate who has always been by my side (don't tell my kids that last part---I'll deny it) My wife is that person who can always make me smile and who I can talk about anything to. She is the person who I can just sit with and do nothing and be entertained. She is the person who I miss when they aren't around.
I've also realized that a 41 married guy with three kids doesn't need that "best friend" that I felt I'd always been missing. Sure, it would have been great in high school or college but at this point in my life that type of friendship would be just too difficult. For the most part, because it would be too time consuming. I'm a father. I'm a husband. That vocation is what my life purpose is all about and I really don't have time for a close friendship. Sure, I have friends----good friends---friends who I know will be there to help me in a moments notice and who know I will help them with whatever they need. I love the friends I have. But I don't have the time for that bosom buddy type of friendship. That time is reserved for my wife and kids.
Saying that my wife is my best friend doesn't take anything from her status as my bride. I think it only describes part of our relationship. I guess a marriage that isn't composed of friendship is a marriage that is going to be difficult. Yes, it's important to hold your spouse and the mother of your children up on a pedestal but she has to be someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Monday, October 22, 2012
My Best Friend
Posted by Jamie at 4:56 AM
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)
"I've also realized that a 41 married guy with three kids doesn't need that "best friend" that I felt I'd always been missing. Sure, it would have been great in high school or college but at this point in my life that type of friendship would be just too difficult. For the most part, because it would be too time consuming. I'm a father. I'm a husband. That vocation is what my life purpose is all about and I really don't have time for a close friendship. "ReplyDelete
This is exactly how I feel most days about friends that aren't my husband. I also have my sisters, which alleviates some of that sadness I could probably have about not having a lot of close friends. Like you, I have good friends who I know I can count on. But Craig's the one I lean on most often (as he should be) and my sisters are there when I need them, too.
I do see the dynamic in play a lot with my kids as far as the sibling thing goes. My daughters are each others' best friends. My boys are starting to build their friendship, too. It's just the way God designed our relationships, I think...if we have siblings, they are usually our best friends (outside of spouses). Or if we have a spouse, who we have children with...those are our best friends.
Oh! And cute pic of you and Abby.ReplyDelete
I too am best friends with my husband and I have good friends but no one compares to my spouse! May God keep blessing your marriage! ~AmyReplyDelete
I loved what you wrote. I'm 47 and I've been married for almost 25 years. My wife IS my best friend. There is no one whose company I enjoy more than my wife.ReplyDelete
That said, I very much value my once a year weekend with my old college housemates, sans the wife. Truth be told, my marriage is stronger because I make this trip each year. There is something very healthy about stepping back and talking intimately about my life, my marriage and my kids with these 3 men and 2 women that I've trusted for almost 30 years. I know I am a better person, a better husband, a better father, a better man because of these annual retreats.